bikini cavegirl
i gave my heart to a bikini clad cavegirl, on' dinosaur island'! a film review for unstable people .
seat at the back - cinema magazine: i gave my heart to a bikini clad cavegirl, on' dinosaur island'! a film review for unstable people .
jezebelle bond, who plays the
teenage
cavegirl, was 25 at the time of filming .
porn with a plot is so lame. i just want to see hot lesbian bitches doing it all over the house. there' s this softcore on skinemax that plays sometimes called
bikini cavegirl
or something that was alright in that horribly cheesetastic way. plus jezebelle bond plays the cavegirl .
carly zucker unleashes her inner cavegirl as she recreates raquel welch' s iconic image for a new ad campaign .
zucker is also seen reclining languorously on an animal - skin rug and perched on rocks in a furry leopard - print bikini .
a group of beautiful bikini - clad girls go on a vacation in the swamp of the florida everglades, never to return .
' raquel welch looked so stunning, i couldn' t wait to get my cavegirl outfit on and pose for such an iconic shot.'
' i just wish i had my cavegirl outfit in the jungle. i' m sure it would have helped me get a few more votes!'
filmed back - to - back with _ bikini chain gang (2005) _. both films were shot in a total of 5 days .
and she' s sure to win a legion of fans with a wild photoshoot, which includes the shot below of her in the famous one million years bc bikini .
three bikini clad heirs to a space age kingdom, on the eve of their inauguration, are tricked and sent into a black hole and back in time by their evil stepmother voluptina. she and her half human sidekick have plans of gaining power and with the aide of a mad scientist (with a penchant for being evil to teddy - bears) they plot to get rid the bikini girls. in the meantime the bikini girls, back in 75 million bc are battling dinosaurs, finding plutonium and using cheese with great effect. will they get back in time for their inauguration, is inauguration even spelled right? bikini girls will rock your world (if you believe the title music) .
sofia richie, 19 poses in a bikini top just after scott disick' s ex kourtney kardashian, 39, did the same... and fans call her out for it
any movie that has a soldier facing a scantily clad cavegirl, jaw dropping, as the soldier gets ready to' make out' and the cavegirl commenting
it' s the great one. .
as she spots the big dinosaur behind the man' s back, only for the soldier to comment back :
i haven' t even got it out yet
- kind of deserves a bit of love in return .
three bikini clad heirs to a space age kingdom, on the eve of their inauguration, are tricked and sent into a black hole and back in time by their evil stepmother so she can take the throne .
haunted by recurring dreams of hea - thor (denise ames), a gorgeous cavegirl, and a menacing allosaurus, action - movie star tony markham (jeff rector) soon finds himself transported, by means... see full summary »
the three seasons bikini team (april, may & june) leave on a cross - country tour, but june sabotages the trip. they and the photographer end up in pig hollow, where missy sue is desperately... see full summary »
when a bus - load of women' s college soccer players get stranded on their way to a bikini car - wash fundraiser, they decide to set - up shop in front of an abandoned gas station on the edge of... see full summary »
if you take the film as something you might dream about after picking mushrooms in a field wearing a blindfold, cooking them up, and eating them, only to find yourself in wibble wobble land with stop motion, slightly camp, dinosaurs or real life sized dinosaurs straight out of a nearby dinosaur theme park in some state of decline - then you will love this movie even more as a result, i' d venture. there' s also a giant (wait for it !) pterodactyl (oh yeah !) that the soldiers try to capture to take back to bikini cavegirl camp, only to miss when throwing the net, which doesn' t seem to work on stop motion puppets as much as it would on a real pterodactyl. it just sort of vanishes into the back projection. instead they capture a couple of local turtles to dish up to the girls .
do you like the pterodactyl meat
asked smartass soldier guy, as he joins the ladies at dinner .
it tastes a bit odd
replies cavegirl ,
and tastes like turtle .
brilliant !
shipwrecked soldiers on a tropical island find big - bosomed bikini - clad cavegirls who give ugly fat men (and i mean that in a' spirit the movie was made in' kind of way) a chance to find love and be' real men' by defeating stop motion dinosaurs until the final few reels when they fight the much more fun fibreglass - moulded' saurs - and a small baby t - rex puppet that giggles non - stop at them .
, from the prolific b - movie maestro fred olen ray (operating here under his nicholas medina alter ego), is really just a series of lengthy sex scenes interrupted by the loosest of loose plots. the story, about alleged cavegirl tahra (jezebelle bond) leaping through a magical portal to land in modern - day bronson canyon, is simply an excuse to pile on assorted sexual couplings and encounters between attractive actors. now, normally that' s not something i would necessarily consider a negative, but in the case of
the three seasons bikini team (april, may & june) leave on a cross - country tour, but june sabotages the trip. they and the photographer end up in pig hollow, where missy sue is desperately looking for the deed to ghost gulch (where she lives with pappy and jeb). the evil senator wants to find the deed first, so he can sell the land to the government for dumping nuclear waste. the girls end up giving their first ever topless show to raise the money to pay off the fake irs bill produced by the senator .
muffin baker is the star of cheesy hollywood films directed by her boyfriend, ted wood. a telegram informs her that her rich uncle cyrus has died, so she and ted fly to ravenswood manor for the reading of the will. her uncle' s attorney, archibald weisenheimer, has designs on cyrus' s fortune for his daughter, the grasping evilyn. in addition, the manor' s manservant and maid hatch their own plan. helping muffin is the manor' s ghost, the playful bikini - clad tabitha. can ghost and starlet best the machiavellian machinations of maid, manservant, and majordomo? and what of uncle' s fortune? is it really three million ?
ever since the seminole wars of the mid nineteenth century, an unlucky few have gone missing in the florida everglades every couple of years, especially around columbus day weekend .
bikini swamp girl massacre
is based on a true story told by the lone survivor of a group of beautiful young women who left the concrete jungle of south beach to venture deep into the everglades jungle, where they were brutally murdered by a seminole warrior spirit named coowahchobee. as the women go missing one by one, and the seemingly innocent tour guide denies foul play, one brave beach bunny risks her life to escape alone in the jungle knowing that she is safer with the snakes and alligators then at camp with coowahchobee .
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the end credits credit just about everyone, including veteran actor david carradine, who it seems allowed the cavegirl ranch to be built on a bit of his ranch. sounds a fair deal to me! jim wynorski, co - director of dinosaur island also gave us the hills have thighs, the da vinci coed, and ghoulies iv. that last sentence tells you just about all you need to know and perhaps should have been the one - lined review needed for dinosaur island, instead of all the rest i came out with. my first wynorski purchase was also his first; 1985' s the lost empire. i think it was a lot like dinosaur island, just made a decade earlier. it' s good to know that the film world has directors like wynsorski in it, if only to put a rubber spanner in the works and annoy 98% of film audiences and critics alike .
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i was struck by how this was constructed more like a a traditional porn title than like a b - movie .
, the prolonged sexcapades are of the not - quite - explicit variety. the b - movie stuff, something that fred olen ray normally can deliver with free - flowing exuberance, has been replaced by what seems to be a shift towards less storytelling and more sex. yes, we can tell they are supposed to be having sex, and it sure looks like they are all joined together in orgiastic bliss, but in this particular not - quite - porn genre the acts don' t feature any actual merging of naughty bits, and camera angles are such that actions are implied without being seen, so one is left watching what is essentially porn without all the detail .
there are glimmers of low - rent good stuff here, from tahra' s absorbing of television commercials to the wacky antics of jay richardson as an evil scientist out to use the title character for evil purposes, but these moments come across more as filler in between bouts of well - choreographed sex. as much as the purely prurient side of me enjoyed seeing jezebelle bond and kennedy johnston cavorting together in a bubble bath, the sex just seemed like it was plopped in so that fred olen ray could check off yet another combination of sex partners on some imaginary checklist .
will be a disappointment. and it also seems that if you were looking for a sexy but campy b - movie from one of the great genre directors, you will also be in for a disappointment because the focus on long sex scenes featuring all combination of partners overshadows the ability for any kind of story to develop properly .
the transfer from digital video is very bright and vivid for what is essentially a low - budget sex flick, with strong colors and evenly rendered fleshtones. translation is that the frequent nudity looks darn good .
there' s nothing to go ga - ga about, but the clean 2. 0 stereo track is presentable without being remarkably stellar. all of the dialogue, panting, and moaning sounds perfectly fine. but you' re not watching this to give your sound system a workout, are you ?
consisting of thirteen images, made up of production photos and behind - the - scenes shots .
attractive nude women and nearly - explicit sex are the selling points here. as much as i love fred olen ray, i can only see how this might serve to pass the time on late night pay - cable, not necessarily as something that someone might actually seek and out and purchase .
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tahra, a prehistoric cave girl is accidentally transported to the future where she has a passionate encounter with two archaeologists. her boyfriend tiko also finds his way to the future causing more problems .
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there are six sex scenes in the film, averaging one for every 12. 5 minutes of run time .
uncle fred olen ray once again gives us a little of his retromedia
goodness
in the form of this soft - core cinemax non - classic. a numb - nut pair are out looking at rocks when they come across a swirling vortex a
black hole
as the intelligent dolts put it. pretty soon an attractive cave girl from one million years ago happens into out time - line and she beds her way into the future. pretty soon her studly other half makes his way into the future as well and blazes a path through the beds of the future. ray again delivers a passable (but barely) smut - fest that has horrible acting but some decent skin. yeah it' s barely titillating but heh! if worse comes to worse it will cure you insomnia. s10 reviews: 1 / 5 or 3 / 10
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meet the erotic cave bunny! past meets present when a time warp opens in prehistoric times, allowing beautiful tahra (jezebelle bond) and her caveman lover, tiko (evan stone), to transport into the modern day. present - day residents either want to make lov
region: region 1 (u. s. and canada only. read more about dvd formats. )
i had this dvd from a ways back and when i went to play it last week, it would not even load (yes a purchased dvd). i guess the original quality was not there. so, i purchsed this product from amazon and this time, i made a backup (yes, you can legally make a backup of your dvd' s. you must give the backup to the buyer if you sell it). this dvd played well with no problems at all. so now that i have a working dvd again, any one need a coaster (the one that will not load)? be warned though that this movie is not for kids !
it' s a light romp from prehistoric to modern times. many varied sexual situations like two women, two women and a guy, one guy with one woman. great - looking cast that has fun, not too serious so you don' t mind the not - so - original plot .
a solid attempt at softcore comedy... ... i give it a b
the sex scenes were plentiful; in fact, i' m surprised they were able to fit so many into a 75 - minute movie. lezley zen makes an appearance toward the middle, having a wild time in the back of a pickup truck. once tiko gets to the house and finds sharon and cynthia, a three - way just had to follow. for the most part, the scenes were quit realistic, with lezley' s and the three - way standing out as the winners .
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seat at the back - scribbles! ~ films on the seat at the back playlist right now: kids in love; june; curve; wild, barely lethal; goddess of love; the vatican tapes. . what a night in !
stars michelle bauer (and lots of other people who aren' t as mammarable) .
this is a film that starts off dire, gets a bit better and ends up finishing on something of a high - perhaps by sucking the viewer up into the film' s same weird wavelength. or because - if a film starts off dire, there' s probably no way to go but up .
the' actual - sized' t - rex (actually more like t - rex' s mini - me) is rather good, i want one in my bedroom. it' s the same mr t. rex that appears in corman' s jurassic park rip - off; carnosaur (1993). it also appeared in the tom hanks movie the da vinci code. ok, lied about the last one !
there are some funny lines in the movie, such as (upon standing beside a giant dino egg), one soldier commenting :
my god! think of the cholesterol
. but most lines fall flat. as the film goes on, the actors seem to realise that the film should be played for outright laughs (either real or non - existent) and not pretend to be taking any of this too seriously. the film relaxes - and is all the better for it !
let' s have fun in this pile of crap ,
the actors scream. probably. or perhaps they just get happier when the nubile cavegirls walk on set. who can blame them? i bet there were some fun after - filming parties on this one !
there' s a standout fun bit; a monster in the cave that gets pushed ferociously (and i use the term loosely) at the cast - on shaky supermarket trolley wheels, or so it seems. it' s also shaped like one of those jelly wobbly monsters you could place on your fingers as a kid and waggle them around to make the wibbly arms wave. the cave monster - dammit - is brilliant! it only has a few minutes of screen time, and personally i thought its role could have been extended. perhaps to become an ally. perhaps to direct the thing! it was cute, and not' stop motion' which is good - more likely made up of something that the props department probably found behind the bike sheds or in the cave, left there by the previous film crew working on the 1953 classic, robot monster, in which a robot monster is actually a man in a gorilla suit wearing a diver' s helmet and being followed around by a bubble blowing machine .
robot monster has a triceratops in it too, just like dinosaur island has one (hey - what do you mean you think that' s a plot spoiler, check the title of this thing !). i think the triceratops in dinosaur island is called' the great one' for most of the movie, until halfway through, when the film - makers decide that t - rex is a better' great one' and kill triceratops off quickly, after calling it the' actually not the proper great one' or something .
near the end of the movie a baby t - rex (or possibly the big t - rex shot out of scale) leans over rocks and giggles at the copulating soldiers, before running off into the bushes, still giggling. it' s not clear why this creature is in the movie, except it could just be roger corman himself making a cameo and admiring his executive produced work. or a critic sneaking around the set .
at the end of the movie, the closing shot is on baby dino giggling. instead of getting another angry dino out for revenge we get mr gigglebox. that pretty much puts the stoppers on a sequel. but - despite the failings of cast, writers and special effects crew at times, this film is the kind of bad movie you just kind of fall in love with and before you know it - you' re having fun and want more !
' welcome to the dark side: a panel discussion' / bfi london southbank (23. 10. 2013) ~ kim newman and sir christopher frayling discuss all things gothic at the movies !
the first temptation of albert ~ the moment u. s tv series' little house on the prairie' stumbled towards the dark side with controversial two - parter;' sylvia', starring a young olivia barash !
snowtown (2011)' not everybody needs good neighbours...' film screening + q & a; with director & star / hosted by kim newman
‘the story of richard o’ (2007) ~ ‘dumbfounded, dirty, dreamlike; dating out loud’ .
the borderlands (london frightfest / 2013 world premiere) ~ does for the west country what the wicker man did for summerisle ...
from bayside to big brother
~ cult tv show' saved by the bell' and dustin diamond' s exposé of the whole shebang in his jaw - dropping book:' behind the bell'... reviewed after class in detention !
the line between porn and main stream cinema is starting to be crossed... porn with a plot... gasp .
pirates
is a co - production between digital playground and adam & eve. directed by dp’s multi - award winning director, joone, “pirates” stars jesse jane, carmen luvana, janine, teagan presley, devon, austyn moore and jenaveve jolie. the most comprehensive and ambitious adult production to date, “pirates” is a monumental step towards the eminent merging of the entertainment industries. the entire production was shot and mastered on high definition and combines over 300 special effects shots. with a professional script, an original music score and true 5. 1surround mix offering all of the production values of any hollywood box office film while still encompassing the erotic feelings and sexual mores of an adult film. with 10 of the most arousing sex scenes in the history of erotic cinema, awe - inspiring incan magic and grandiose sea battles ,
pirates
is an action packed, electrifying and swashbuckling sex - tale. presented on a triple disc set ,
pirates
sets a new standard in adult production. digital playground president, samantha lewis raves, “my partner joone’s vision knows no limits. each production must surpass the last and it does. it is with honor and privilege that we present “pirates” to our customers, clients, associates and friends. ”
ali macgraw on losing steve mcqueen:' i wish we could have grown ...
i only know of jesse jane because seymore butts aka adam glasser was all up into her. he should be in it - jizz -
i think i' d be down for it. i was almost expecting johnny depp to swing out in the trailer though. i do see one male porn star in there (older, wearing a feathery hat near the opening) who i don' t have fond memories of seeing naked so meh .
meh i' ll probably see this before i ever see pirates of the caribbean .
haha... when i was in amsterdam last year, my friend and i saw a porno called
privates of the carribean... the cruise to the black hole
hahaha... i wanted to buy it: |
holy fucking shit! janine lindemulder is back / still around! ?? !? !? ?! ! i am creaming my pants as i type .
have you seen maneater? it' s her latest movie where she does guys again... urltoken; % 5fid = 1612 & engine; = 247 & price; =. 25 & keyword; = maneater & src; = ink & cookie; % 5ftest = 1
i must admit, i prefer her with women, especially when she' s all bossy and in charge. sigh .
it' s probably the best news i' ve heard all year to be honest .
boring! !! ! its funny on how all
mainstream
porn actresses looks the same i mean look at that banner what are they twins? ?? shit if only! stick to low - budget net - porn it' s dirty just the way we like it. here' s a link for ya' ll urltoken
the leftmost one looks a bit like lisa marie presley. is teagan presley related to the presleys? and, before i end this comment, i just want to say that porno turned into a gradiose pirate adventure is what you get after too much acid, kids. don' t do acid! (unless you wanna make a cool porno. )
no she' s not related. almost none of these girls use their real last names .
electric swing (as kory v. funk) / grip (as kory v. funk )
trippy indie madeline' s madeline is the movie that lakeith stanfield and boots riley from sorry to bother you want to see the most .
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a magazine centerfold overdoses on a beauty - enhancement drug and grows 60 feet tall .
an aging woman kisses a mummy on display in a museum. this is what remains of the evil sorceress, hor shep sut, who is reawakened to her murderous ways .
kim taylor inherits her grandfather' s drive - in theatre. she must raise $ 25, 000 over one weekend or the bank will take the property from her. she also has to deal with pesky capitalist j. b. winston .
erotic thriller about a dangerous escort lady who rents a guest room from a nice couple in order to get close to the wife and have her revenge for perceived injustice .
three venusians land on earth and transform themselves into beautiful buxom babes, then go about their task of sucking the life force out of unsuspecting males. their disguises are a propos... see full summary »
xena, luna, and sola leave malibu but return to earth unexpectedly when xena sneezes and crash lands them on a desert isle. after being threatened by dinosaurs and having a few close... see full summary »
3000 years ago an egyptian sorceress was buried alive for indulging forbidden pleasures of the flesh. reincarnated in modern - day los angeles she is on a mission to track down the reincarnation of her ancient lost love .
after the events of the escort (1997), a psychiatrist becomes obsessed with inmate suzanne, who survived being shot, and traumatized debra, the object of suzanne' s deadly obsession. the movie mostly reuses sex scenes from the first movie .
disillusioned elderly hardboiled cop investigates the murder of a business woman with connections to a firm that serves as a front for an escort service. when the main suspect is also killed, a blackmail conspiracy emerges .
not anything special, but not bad either... ... c +
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fred olen ray, jeff o' brien (additional dialogue), david a. lloyd (additional dialogue), brett kelly (additional dialogue )
ted wood jr. : muffin, please, can we talk about this? muffin baker: no. ted wood jr. : you gotta believe me, i was drugged or something! i didn' t know what i was doing! muffin baker: you look like you were doing what you know you were doing, you know? ted wood jr. : well... sort of, but there seems to be an evil plot, ...
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bizzare, often perverse yarn about nurses in a metropolitan hospital who seduce then murder male patients .
a group of models find themselves trapped in a factory inhabited by a cannibalistic degenerated family .
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five high school cheerleaders, their coach and a couple of adolescent sex - crazed guys travel to a cabin in the woods for a weekend getaway only to be killed off one by one by an unseen maniac .
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wyatt: this here' s the blacksmith shop. this is where the blacks and the smiths used to pound nails. stacy: jesus christ. wyatt: no, ma' am, jesus wasn' t into pounding nails - that was the romans .
in ringo' s sex scene after he' s shot in the butt, he clearly has the bandage on his right cheek. however, a few scenes later, when he' s running from calamity kate, he' s clearly holding his left butt cheek in pain .
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bikini cavegirl ( also known as teenage cavegirl ) is a softcore pornographic film made by fred olen ray under the pseudonyms " nicholas medina " and " sherman scott " . it has been described as " a sexy makeover " , but not a remake , of ray 's earlier film , dinosaur island . it was released directly to video in 2004 under the title teenage cavegirl , and is shown on cable as bikini cavegirl . 
bikini cavegirl (also known as teenage cavegirl) is a softcore pornographic film made by fred olen ray under the pseudonyms " nicholas medina " and " sherman scott ". it has been described as " a sexy makeover ", but not a remake, of ray's earlier film, dinosaur island. it was released directly to video in 2004 under the title teenage cavegirl, and is shown on cable as bikini cavegirl.
bikini cavegirl (also known as teenage cavegirl) is a softcore pornographic film made by fred olen ray under the pseudonyms " nicholas medina " and " sherman scott ". it has been described as " a sexy makeover ", but not a remake, of ray's earlier film, dinosaur island. it was released directly to video in 2004 under the title teenage cavegirl, and is shown on cable as bikini cavegirl.