duct tape forever
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a lampshaded subversion appeared in one episode where tape was needed to do duct work... scouring through the rolls of duct tape uncovered what he was looking for - adhesive tape .
... using the handyman' s secret weapon: duct tape .
the saddest thing about duct tape forever is the fact that it' s a sign of the direction commercial canadian cinema is going: cheap comedies with name - brand appeal .
red: (blows the dust off an old video tape )
thetamax video tape: made in portuguese macau
.
second place is for winners: in duct tape forever, in order to pay off a $ 10, 000 fine, harold suggests the lodge enter a duct tape sculpture contest to win the money. the lodge members are skeptical, but when harold tells them the $ 10, 000 is the third - place prize, they figure it' s within their abilities .
: you know it. played with in the episode
no duct tape ,
where the lodge runs out of duct tape—only to find loads of it in the attic, where it was being used to fix the ductwork. this leads to a comment from mike, who says ,
homemade inventions: the handyman corner segments. it' s amazing what you can do with some rusted k - cars and a few hundred rolls of duct tape .
product placement: 3m became a sponsor of the show, and red a spokesman, after they saw how much scotch duct tape (a 3m brand) the show used .
the shooting of red' s first feature film has begun, and pbs supporters from across the country travelled to the set to be a part of this unique and memorable experience. thanks to all of the pbs supporters from the cast and crew of duct tape forever! here are some of the winners that made the trip :
‘duct tapes are forever’ is all new downloadable content which transports the escapists to the secret world of spies, villains and tuxedos. take control of a tuxedo - clad superspy as you find yourself trapped in an evil villain’s lair, guarded by henchmen .
the red green show was duct taped live before a studio audience .
plenty more of that ilk .
duct tapes are forever is one of the dlcs from the game the escapists. it is james - bond themed (unofficially) and it asks you to plot your escape from a supervillain' s underground lair. it was released on november 3, 2015 and costs £1 / $ 3. 99 / €3. 99
censored for comedy: in one opening segment, red has
_ _ ck off
written in duct tape on the back of his car, with everything before the ck blocked by a jacket. he lifts up the jacket to reveal that the missing letters are ba, and says something about how things aren' t always as they seem .
meanwhile they also carry on with the show within a show that red and harold are producing, a local cable - access version of the standard saturday - afternoon outdoor program. various topics are touched on, but the actual quality of the information tends to be... well, the most elaborate segment is
handyman' s corner
, wherein red somehow turns a simple diy repair or project into a huge, awkward, goldbergian task with the help of the
handyman' s secret weapon
, duct tape. and lots of it .
murray woolworth is owner of the only convenience store in the area, so he gouges people on everything, and often offers cheap substitute products, such as selling a four - man raft, sight - unseen, and then delivering a large inner - tube with a tackle box duct taped to it .
chainsaw good: subverted in that red never used chainsaws as weapons, but in handyman projects. one notable example involved his duct taping a chainsaw to a bicycle to create a moped. also subverted by bill, who occasionally tried to use chainsaws for what they were designed for, but his lethal klutz tendencies led to epic fails anyway .
duct - taped to a wheelchair and tortured, tom manages to escape when his snowmobile buddies fortuitously show up with some shotguns. the ensuing melee leaves the sisters presumed dead, but for tom the nightmare is not over. obsessed with vanessa, he tracks down the illegitimate daughter (maria cina) she gave up 30 years earlier and finds her living in hollywood, a bartender and would - be actress, under the name clara hansen. tom hires her to pose for a character in his new animated feature, an allegorical account of his ordeal at the hands of her mother and aunt .
the janitor job you start off with can help towards getting some starter money, but some of the puddles needed to complete your quota can spawn around the rocket, which is a restricted area - you' ll be attacked immediately if you get seen there, even if you' re just trying to do your job. this makes the janitor job an absolute pain at times, so try to get a better job as soon as possible. the metalshop and woodshop jobs both have a crate inside them with an important item each - blue putty and sticky tape, respectively. these are not considered contraband, and so you can take them as you please. if you cannot be bothered jumping between both jobs, you can just use a pickaxe to chip through a portion of the wall and loot the crate. just remember to replace the wall block again after you' re done .
wayne robson, the veteran canadian actor perhaps best known for playing a sticky - fingered former thief on the red green show, has died at the age of 65 .
wayne robson had been slated to appear in the stratford shakespeare festival' s 2011 production of the grapes of wrath. the vancouver - born actor has died at the age of 64. (stratford shakespeare festival )
wayne robson, the veteran canadian actor perhaps best known for playing a sticky - fingered former thief on the red green show, has died at the age of 64 .
robson passed away peacefully at his home, according to the stratford shakespeare festival, where robson had been slated to perform in the grapes of wrath this season. cause of death was not disclosed .
wayne was an outstanding artist who had a diverse and accomplished career on stage, in film and on television, and his loss will be heavily felt not only here in stratford but across our country ,
stratford artistic director des mcanuff said in a statement late tuesday .
the festival will dedicate its 2011 production of the grapes of wrath to robson' s memory .
the vancouver - born robson appeared in more than 100 stage productions, 120 tv shows and more than two dozen feature films since starting out as an actor in the mid - 1960s .
early on, the prolific actor was cast in a host of projects filming around vancouver and also appeared in the robert altman movies mccabe & mrs. miller and popeye. as the 1980s progressed, he began developing a national presence, with his screen credits including genie - nominated roles in films like the grey fox and bye bye blues as well as his gemini award - winning performance as a desperate gangster in the tv movie and then you die .
a second gemini would come in 1994 for his turn as christie logan in anne wheeler' s television adaptation of margaret laurence' s classic the diviners. his tv appearances in recent years have included murdoch mysteries, the kids in the hall: death comes to town and little mosque on the prairie .
he also maintained a career on the stage, most recently portraying the title character in tuesdays with morrie in sudbury in november 2010 .
in the brief period since wayne joined the festival company, he very quickly became close to us all with his enthusiasm, good humour and enormous talent ,
stratford general director antoni cimolino said in a statement .
he was generous in sharing stories from his past and from his vast experience in theatre across many countries dating back to the 1960s. he was immensely practical and yet a true imaginative child of the stage light .
robson is survived by his children, ivy and louis, and their mother, lynn .
wayne robson, left, played a former thief - turned - handyman on the red green show. robson is seen with the comedy' s stars steve smith, centre, and patrick mckenna. (cbc )
audience relations, cbc p. o. box 500 station a toronto, on canada, m5w 1e6
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the residents of possum lodge head on a road trip to the states, hoping to win a contest and thus pay a fine .
trippy indie madeline' s madeline is the movie that lakeith stanfield and boots riley from sorry to bother you want to see the most .
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] to cheer us up, we played a little game called
let' s run something over
.
after the credits finish, there' s a scene with red and harold in the van. red says that saving the lodge will make the world a better place and harold asks if he really believes that. then the director yells cut .
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the tomatometer score — based on the opinions of hundreds of film and television critics — is a trusted measurement of critical recommendation for millions of fans. it represents the percentage of professional critic reviews that are positive for a given film or television show .
movies and tv shows are certified fresh with a steady tomatometer of 75% or higher after a set amount of reviews (80 for wide - release movies, 40 for limited - release movies, 20 for tv shows), including 5 reviews from top critics .
the series' good - natured, self - deprecating extended joke about male regression, handyman incompetence and canadian humility are here in big - screen proportions, and it all works very well .
a pretty solid movie... one that should amuse casual admirers (present company included) while delighting the rabid fan .
the movie offers more corniness than laughs, delivered with a visual - drabness that fails to justify its packaging as a theatrical film .
smith forgot to include any of the subtle, language - based comedy that marked his career as an author and stand - up comedian, so that all we' re left with are obvious sight gags and laborious moments of slapstick carnage .
it' s essentially a red green show episode stretched to a 90 - minute movie, but with about the same number of laughs .
charming movie, as only the canadians can do. based on the
red green
television show. i like steve smith' s character. it' s dorky but got a lot of heart. they should' ve had a love interest for red green in this movie .
this is red' s best and only theatrical release feature film, shot in 35mm with a full movie crew and a budget in the millions. (most of it to defend the lawsuits. )
the first thing to remember about the villain' s lair, is that there are absolutely no tower guards. as such, you will not get shot, no matter how much heat you have on you. you can also chip walls at any time during the day without getting shot. start by buying a guard outfit first. each cell (excluding your own) has a camera inside it. dressing up as a guard or henchman will allow you to search another spy' s desk without the camera getting suspicious. if you can knock out a henchman and take his outfit beforehand however, the guard outfit will be inferior. get a fake shoe from a desk if you can. it works like a contraband pouch, except it does not get confiscated if you get knocked out .
once you have acquired both of these items one way or another, it' s time to move onto the next item - the keycard. this is located inside the henchman' s quarters to the northeast of the lair. the door however, has a blue key lock. this means you must be a henchman. the guard outfit is not sufficient for this, even though henchmen will be fooled by it. as such, you need to acquire a henchman outfit by knocking out a henchman. ideally, try to find the fourth henchman on the roster, as he has the staff key. you' ll be needing a copy of that next. if you' re having trouble figuring out the fourth henchman, wait until evening rollcall, when the henchmen turn on their flashlights. and then go and find a henchman who has a flashlight, but is not at rollcall. there' s a 50% chance he has the staff key - the other 50% is the work key. either way, once you' ve identified him, wait for him to cross over into your cell block, and then make your move. you can make a flamethrower or cup of molten chocolate to instantly knock him out. you can also find a bomb surprise or garotting wire watch or sharp tea tray in another spy' s desk, and they will all serve as instant knockout items, too. once he' s down, take his henchman uniform. he may also have some memoir tapes on him. take those as well, as they are a necessary component for the voice recording. finally, take his staff key and make a copy of it, but remember to give the staff key back before he wakes up again .
once you have the fake fingerprint, the voice recording, and the keycard, you can escape at any time you wish. if you choose to do it at night time however, you will need to create a bed dummy for your bed, as well as use your henchman or guard outfit to avoid being sent to solitary. head to the rocket and use the three items. the left console requires the keycard, the middle console requires the voice recording, and the right console requires the fake fingerprint. once you' ve put the last item into the consoles, the game will end .
this page was last edited on 3 october 2017, at 19: 17 .
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closed caption; 5. 1 surround sound and 2. 0 stereo; red green goes to hollywood, a hilarious 60 - minute
mockumentary
featuring cast members and fans from all over the u. s. ; commentary by steve smith (red green); behind - the - scenes interviews with cast and crew; photo gallery; theatrical trailer
side # 1 - - 1. the goose [ 8: 21 ] 2. from the beginning [ 7: 46 ] 3. $ 10, 000 idea [ 7: 30 ] 4. minnesota bound [ 10: 05 ] 5. being followed [ 9: 07 ] 6. road block [ 9: 13 ] 7. harold kidnapped [ 13: 58 ] 8. the showdown [ 10: 30 ] 9. bus attack [ 7: 14 ] 10. harold' s night [ 7: 31 ]
side # 1 - - play movie scene index special features red green goes hollywood behind the scenes steve smith (red green) patrick mckenna (harold) richard fitzpatrick (robert stiles) melissa dimarco (deputy dawn) eric till (director) & steve smith theatrical trailer photo gallery set - up 5. 1 surround sound 2. 0 stereo audio commentary with steve smith
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a psychological horror film from the midwest - based independent director john d. hancock,'' suspended animation'' is a sturdy, well - made piece that never quite overcomes its structural flaws .
tom kempton (alex mcarthur) is a celebrated animator who winters in northern michigan, where a snowmobile accident leads him into the clutches of two weird sisters, vanessa and ann boulette. vanessa (laura esterman) is a willowy former dancer and ann (sage allen) an overweight homebody, and they have been operating their own girl - power version of the notorious wisconsin farmhouse of the 1950' s serial killer ed gein, butchering passers - by and creating knick - knacks and gourmet meals from their body parts .
after a slam - bang opening'' suspended animation,'' which opens today in new york, chicago and los angeles, goes into something of a coma itself with the tedious exposition necessary to get the plot convolutions across. it slowly develops that clara, who is unaware of her heritage, has a sinister 15 - year - old son (fred meyers), who may have inherited his grandmother' s homicidal tendencies. at least that is tom' s suspicion when he comes across a mass of human tissue wrapped in aluminum foil and hidden in the boy' s toolbox .
the situation is creepy, but the screenplay by dorothy tristan, mr. hancock' s wife and frequent collaborator, has trouble transforming it into genuine suspense. the menace remains vague and unfocused until one major character makes a not entirely unexpected reappearance in the last act, by which point much of the tension has been lost .
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mr. hancock, however, remains a fine director of actors, and ms. esterman, a gifted stage actress making a rare film appearance, delivers an eerily ambiguous performance, part lovable eccentric and part hannibal lecter. though the film was shot on high - definition video, mr. hancock' s framing has the steadiness and precision of classic 35 - millimeter filmmaking, and his editing, far from the pointless mtv pyrotechnics in the current remake of'' the texas chainsaw massacre,'' is all but invisible and much more effective for it .
directed by john d. hancock; written by dorothy tristan; director of photography, misha suslov; edited by dennis o' connor; music by angelo badalamenti; production designer, don jacobson; produced by mr. hancock and robert j. hiler; released by first run features. at the quad cinema, 34 west 13th street, greenwich village. running time: 114 minutes. this film is not rated .
with: alex mcarthur (tom kempton), laura esterman (vanessa boulette), sage allen (ann boulette), rebecca harrell (hilary kempton), maria cina (clara hansen) and fred meyers (sandor hansen) .
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if the women don' t find you handsome, they should at least find you handy .
a sketch comedy show (19912006) produced by and starring canadian comic steve smith, centered around the members of possum lodge, a backwoods hunting camp somewhere in northern ontario. it loosely parodies
outdoor
tv shows generally, and the iconic red fisher show (which ran in canada from 1968 to 1989) in particular .
the show is hosted by the president of the lodge, philosopher, handyman, outdoorsman, and basically very average man red green (smith), with technical direction provided by his painfully geeky nephew harold (patrick mckenna) .
episodes are usually framed by red and harold discussing some activity or event affecting the lodge or its members. this most often involves a wild scheme either to raise money or clean up some kind of environmental disaster before the authorities clamp down. or, not infrequently, both. red' s updates — and the resulting arguments with harold — are intercut throughout the show with various scenes of red talking to lodge members about said issue .
well, i' m not gonna be calling the u. s. air force, harold. what do i say? we' ve got a missile? they take that as a threat, we' re in real trouble .
harold, it' s after six; he' s gone home .
since the lodge members include such sterling intellects as ranger gord the (extremely) lonely forest ranger, dougie franklin the mechanic, edgar montrose the half - deaf explosives enthusiast, arnie dogen the injury - prone roofer and aspiring country singer, winston rothschild, iii, the prissy sewage magnate, mike hammer the itinerant felon, dalton humphrey the avaricious storekeeper, hap shaughnessy the pathological liar, buzz sherwood the hippie pilot, and ed frid the hamster - phobic animal control officer... not a lot ever tends to get done, except by way of confusing the issue further .
the lodge members are often famous canadian actors such as graham greene (edgar), gordon pinsent (hap), colin mochrie (in a small role as hotdog expert frank kepke) and paul gross (as naive yuppie kevin black) .
i' m a man, but i can change, if i have to, i guess .
another popular segment is
adventures with bill
, featuring the title character' s attempts (or more accurately, spectacular failures) to get a grip on the whole outdoorsman gig, in slapstick pantomime shown in black and white and narrated by red .
the possum lodge word game
is a typically loose attempt at a password - esque game show, with red and harold trying to get a lodge member to say a certain word for a prize .
culture is not unknown here at the lodge, either — it may be gravely wounded, but it sure isn' t being ignored. red is often seen in short transitional vignettes playing guitar and singing (accompanied by harold on spoons or homemade drum), or reciting poetry. occasionally he simply addresses his fellow middle - aged schlubs directly and rather poignantly, concluding with
remember, i' m pulling for ya, we' re all in this together .
the show always ends with the sounds of the lodge meeting beginning, in the basement. red stays upstairs for a moment to deliver a quasi - aesop and a message to his wife, bernice .
often the opening of the lodge meeting will run behind the closing credits, with the studio audience as the lodge members .
and to the rest of you, thanks for watching. on behalf of myself and harold and the whole gang up here at possum lodge, keep your stick on the ice .
the entire series can be watched for free on the show' s official youtube channel .
accidental aiming skills: in the black - and - white segment of
guinness world records
, red and dalton are attempting to destroy a lamp by putting rocks and balls in slingshots, and thwarting mike' s attempts to just whack it with a board. after they build a supersized slingshot that accidentally launches mike into a tree (instead of the bowling ball they intended to launch), mike gets angry, picks up the board, and throws it... straight into the lamp .
affectionate parody: both poking fun at, and celebrating, the foibles of middle - aged men .
the red green book, authored by the show' s creators and published in 1995, contains lots of interesting trivia about the lodge. for instance, lodge membership is open to all genders, all races, religions and sexual orientations. to get in, you just need to have access to tools, trucks, building materials, explosives, medical supplies, legal services or cash .
the names of some of the segments were revealed in the book too. the segment where two lodge members give the viewers advice on how to get out of a jam with their wives is called buddy system, while the segment where red gives a monologue to his fellow middle - aged men while sitting at a desk winding a fishing lure is called north of 40 .
motor vehicle used, seen or mentioned in the series. including buzz' s seaplanes .
one of the articles in red green talks cars: a love story told readers what their car indicated about them. anyone who drives an
old car that barely runs
is a lodge member. more specific examples include stinky peterson' s trabant, moose thompson' s gremlin, douglas hendrychuk' s nash, harold' s pinto and red' s possum van .
almost famous name: harold tells red that he' s been asked to be in a magazine ad for dodge. red excitedly agrees when he hears that not only will he be depicted in a hot tub surrounded by bikini - clad girls, but he gets the product for free! he' s a bit disappointed when it turns out he' s just going to get his picture taken in front of a green screen and have it edited in later, but he' s still excited to get a free dodge truck. at the end of the episode harold clarifies that the company is a swedish company named
doj
... that makes adult diapers... and there are dozens of crates full of them outside .
amusing injuries: present all over the place, no one is safe from this. adventures with bill turns it up to eleven .
and knowing is half the battle: parodied in ranger gord' s educational cartoons, in which a muscular version of gord gives humorously inaccurate advice regarding forest life (e. g. , that stones are really eggs). often, the funny animal representations of red and harold would actually give correct information in response, but since these are gord' s cartoons, his explanations inevitably turn out to be true anyway .
1991, 1993 seasons: a paint - by - numbers of the lodge quickly getting colored in .
1994 - 1997 seasons: a flythrough of a cityscape, followed by a crash into the
new red green show
logo and a 180 - degree turn to reveal the lodge .
anti role model: in more than one
handyman corner
, red suggests one way to get the supplies you need is to steal them .
aren' t you going to ravish me? : non - sexual version. when the women of possum lake get together to chat, several lodge members spy on them with a microphone to find out what their wives are saying about them, expecting lots of complaints. they' re very insulted when none of the women even mention their husbands at all .
in one episode, red advises teenagers against doing crime, saying ,
just say no to assault, break - and - enter, arson, murder, theft, drug trafficking, and... oh, yeah, real estate sales .
red: yeah. uh, so i' m i' m gonna add a special event to it. harold is gonna do a cannonball off the top of rock reef point, singing the national anthem, butt - naked, with his hair on fire. that okay with you, harold ?
harold: oh, yeah. yeah, yeah, whatever... hey, wait a minute, i don' t know the national anthem !
aside glance: red frequently looks at the camera in
adventures with bill
.
in one episode, red, dalton, and mike hurt themselves. mike goes to a masseuse and feels better, and recommends red and dalton go as well, which they first refuse but change their minds once they find out she' s attractive. it turns out she' s a male undercover cop, and red and dalton are disgusted, but mike doesn' t care and plans to keep going, since he was the only one going there specifically for treatment and not just to get touched by a pretty girl (although you would think he' d at least be concerned about the cop part) .
audience participation: in later seasons, the studio audience would provide the
three little words men find so hard to say
in
the experts
sketches .
new member night
would also have volunteers from the studio audience play the prospective new lodge member .
author appeal: steve smith is apparently something of a car buff in real life. throughout the show there are hundreds of shout outs and take thats to various cars (the chrysler k - car is a favorite target) and at least half of all the handyman corner projects involved something to do with cars. a lot of gags also involve beer, something that smith even lampshades in his introduction to one of the episodes on the dvd collections .
bait and switch: the prizes for the possum lodge word game are presented in this manner with whoever is hosting (usually harold) exciting the contestant with something that sounds desirable but only to reveal that the prize is ridiculously cheap... and occasionally used .
bonnie kisses harold, hard, in the finale when the two are officially wed. also counts as a crowning moment of funny, since she does it before red can even tell harold ,
you may now kiss the bride .
: possum lodge is full of these, by red' s own admission. of course, when big eater is the norm, the guy
red: moose would eat a garden shed if you put enough hot sauce on it .
: red discovers that ranger gord has some pictures of bigfoot that are actually clear and in focus, proving bigfoot really exists. he excitedly tells gord that the two of them should sell the pictures to a major tv network and get rich. however, gord insists that since he is the professional forest ranger, he should do all the talking to maintain credibility. red promptly gives the pictures back, knowing that nothing could give them
in one of gord' s educational cartoons, he lectures on how to protect oneself against a sasquatch. because of its eponymous big feet, gord explains, the sasquatch usually attacks by kickboxing its opponent, so one should keep their arms in front of their face at all times .
basically everything that comes out of hap' s mouth. it' s not that hap is a bad liar in as much as his stories are so over the top that there' s no way he could' ve done all of it .
same for doc render in the second season. there' s speculation from the other members whether or not doc is an actual doctor; well - deserved speculation given that doc treats a bullet wound with several boxes of band - aids .
blazing inferno hellfire sauce: red mixes up a batch for a lodge barbecue. it consisted mostly of ketchup and mustard, with some various hot peppers thrown in and some other ingredients, including the
secret ingredient
, which was some blue goop in an unlabelled container (harold gets it analyzed, it' s jet fuel). to demonstrate how hot it is, dalton tastes a little bit on a toothpick and is clearly in serious pain. then harold tastes a big spoonful .
blind without em: happens to bill once when he does boxing with harold. red removes bill' s glasses for him, thinking that one shouldn' t fight a guy with glasses, and sets them on top of a pail in a corner of the ring. he does not realize that bill does have a vision problem. he squints at the glasses on the pail, thinking it' s harold and delivers an uppercut to it, only for it to fall down and hit him on the head, knocking him out and leading harold to be the winner by default .
: harold says red' s
keep your stick on the ice
speech in
the catfish project
when red is in a traumatized daze .
harold also says
keep your stick on the ice
( and imitating red' s gravelly voice in the process) in the final episode .
harold: oh, good, okay, yeah.' cause usually you have a plan and you' re an idiot, but this time ...
harold :
dear experts, how are you ?
ranger gord: well actually, i' m a little upset today, because i lost my favorite pair of sunglasses. (gord is wearing said sunglasses on top of his head) but y' know, it' s not the end of the world. no way. that doesn' t happen until the year 2015, in november, on a thursday, and it' s after lunch. okay? so you can' t get too upset when you lose something. the thing is, you have to remember to replace the thing that you lost with something new, and the real tricky part is, you have to remember to replace the same thing with the same thing. in other words, you can' t replace a pair of sunglasses by buying a waffle iron. okay? there it is. (the sunglasses fall over his eyes) excuse me, i think a fuse blew. (red pulls his sunglasses off) oh no, it' s okay, someone' s got it. (after much audience laughter / applause) harold: ... our letter continues... .
canada, eh? : often played straight, or exaggerated for laughs. expect lots of references to curling and tim hortons .
canis latinicus: possum lodge' s motto is
quando omni flunkus moritati
. which means, quite appropriately (and this being dog - latin, approximately) ,
when all else fails, play dead .
rival salamander lodge (which was created by a disgruntled possum lodge member out of spite and didn' t even manage to last the whole episode) adopted the motto
quando omni flunkus terra retreatum
(
when all else fails, hide under a rock
) .
on behalf of myself, and harold, and the whole gang up here at the possum lodge, keep your stick on the ice .
if the women don' t find you handsome, they should at least find you handy .
after giving advice to fellow middle - aged men :
remember, i' m pullin' for ya. we' re all in this together .
inverted when harold presented the north of 40 segment in red' s place and closed with
remember, you' re on your own. don' t push it .
the man' s prayer :
i' m a man... but i can change... if i have to... i guess .
inverted at the very end of the show, on the very last episode, where the closing was changed to
i' m a man... but i' ve changed...' cause i had to... oh, well .
in one episode the lodge had to cater to a group of women, so the man' s prayer is replaced with the woman' s prayer :
i' m a woman... hear me roar... i' m in charge... get over it !
it' s not smart, or correct, but it' s one of the things that makes us what we are .
if at first you don' t succeed, switch to power tools .
if it ain' t broke, you' re not trying .
in the intros to the 1996 episodes, red would say ,
what you' re looking at here are some segments from this particular show, the main message being,' for gosh sakes, don' t even think about changing the channel.' i tell ya something: if you want to make sense of this program, you have to give it your undivided attention .
in the same episodes, during the bumper leading into the first commercial break, which shows a clip of the show to follow, red says ,
stay tuned. whatever this is, we' ve got lots more of it .
welcome to harold' s handicrafts, where crafty hands make handy crafts !
used by harold to start the
harold' s handicrafts
segment that featured in several season 5 episodes .
celebrity paradox: edgar (played by graham greene) mentions that
that native actor in dances with wolves was really good, they shoulda given him the oscar .
over the course of the series, harold generally grew from an awkward, incompetent teenager into a less awkward, successful adult, with even red acknowledging him as a man. lampshaded by red when harold leaves the lodge for a job in the city :
looks like harold has finally matured and grown up, but i don' t see it happening to me anytime soon .
during the two seasons when harold was absent, dalton, mike and winston filled in for him, became more rounded characters and turned into regulars .
the chew toy: bill from the
adventures with bill
segments. he withstood a level of physical abuse that would put wile e. coyote to shame .
the second season of the show introduced a host of new characters, none of whom were ever seen again afterward, save for the odd reference here and there .
a couple characters only appeared in two episodes in the nineties: earl battersby, a local bait shop owner who believed in the paranormal; and kelly cook (one of the first female characters on the show), a meddling network executive who only appears in two season 10 episodes .
special mention goes to sparky hoover, a radio host / school bus driver who only appeared in
big guy little guy
.
cloudcuckoolander: to be honest, most of the lodge members could fit into this category, but ranger gord was undeniably the standout example. see loners are freaks below .
the comically serious: the audience members who played the prospective new members in the
new member night
segments always acted this way, and made things even funnier by raising their eyebrows or frowning as the cast member talks about them .
mike: how do you guys feel about how leading men are presented in today' s movies? red: well, i haven' t seen any of them, but i' m sure they' re all crap .
convenience store gift shopping: red tried to do this for bernice for christmas, then tried to justify it by saying that the sunoco logo on the free gas station mugs matched their kitchen .
when red replaced the possum van with a new possum van, he then turned the old possum van into an air boat .
cool clear water: subverted. with all the snowmobiles falling through the ice, run off from the lodge and the marina, the appropriately named mercury creek, and the proximity of
stinky
peterson, everyone knows how dirty possum lake is .
up until the eighth season, harold would start the show by introducing red in some random (and sometimes true or untrue) way or another .
likewise, at the end of every episode, red would always address his wife through ,
if my wife is watching, i' ll be coming straight home ...
( from the second season onward, he addresses that he will be home after the lodge meeting), and then says some remark based on the events in the episode, before thanking the audience for watching and saying ,
keep your stick on the ice .
cowardly lion: ed frid was afraid of every animal, but he sometimes pulls through just fine .
crawl: the subject of one
handyman corner
. red rigged a ruler to cover the crawl so it didn' t distract his viewing of gilligan' s island .
, everyone in town gets dna tested hoping to get a match, and therefore be entitled to the inheritance. shockingly ,
of the dna tests turn out to be exactly the same. incestuous implications aside, this unfortunately only entitles everyone to a few bucks each since the inheritance has to be split so many ways .
it turns out that this was because mike stole all the test tubes, so the testers had to use the lids off pickle jars, and simply ended up testing the chemical composition of pickle juice. the reason this matched the old guy' s dna was because he was always pickled himself .
non - word example: starting in season 7, a once an episode gag during the end credits was harold (or another character like dalton or mike) telling the possum lodge members to sit down so the meeting can start. then they immediately say ,
all rise !
, the group performs the chant, and sit back down again. what was the point of sitting down the first time again ?
red green :
we' re out there in our own vehicles, burning gas, got the sunglasses on, looking good. people seeing us going by would have no idea we don' t know where we are. and we' re not really excited about sharing that information. a man does not embrace the concept of going up to total strangers and saying,' you may not know this, but i' m a moron,' whereas the woman he' s with is only too happy to share that information [ ] men aren' t lost. they' re just going the long way .
it also served as the plot for a fourth - season episode when buster hadfield and his wife went on a trip to visit their relatives. unfortunately, since buster hates to stop and ask for directions when he gets lost, he ends up driving all over north america .
red green: old man sedgewick' s moved into the lodge, so now he' s got the bunch of us running around fetching things for him. bran muffins, hot water bottles... and of course the latest sports illustrated swimsuit edition .
old man sedgewick will be playing the field until they plow him under .
disco dan: buzz sherwood, who is still a new age retro hippie .
does this make me look fat? : red talks about the dangers of this question in several episodes .
: red once mentioned that he used this excuse on a regular basis during his school days .
red: if my dog ate as much homework as i said he did, he' d be passing firelogs .
double entendre: red usually slips one into his closing message to bernice. it' s usually relevant to the plot of the episode in some way and its message is always essentially
hope you' re up for some sex tonight .
double meaning: after harold gets a chain letter and passes it on, he gets a $ 100 bill in the mail, causing the whole lodge to go chain - letter - crazy hoping to receive the same good fortune. it' s not until the end of the episode that harold clarifies that he received a bill for $ 100 .
driving test: after an incident involving the possum van and a speed bump, red has his driver' s license revoked and has to get retested to get it back. when it seems that red is doomed to fail the written portion, he sends harold in his place, who gets into an accident on the driving portion.
duct tape forever is a 2002 comedy film based on the red green show . it was written by steve smith , the actor who plays red green . 
duct tape forever is a 2002 comedy film based on the red green show. it was written by steve smith, the actor who plays red green.
duct tape forever is a 2002 comedy film based on the red green show. it was written by steve smith, the actor who plays red green.