triads , yardies and onion bhajees
there are no featured reviews for triads, yardies & onion bhajees at this time .
london gangster movie triads, yardies and onion bhajees is the new lock, stock for the urban generation .
there are no critic reviews yet for triads, yardies & onion bhajees. keep checking rotten tomatoes for updates !
triads, yardies and onion bahjees
premieres at this year' s cannes festival .
triads, yardies and onion bhajees is a 2003 british crime film directed by sarjit bains, telling the story of a hitman working in london. the film stars real life ex - gangster and underworld don dave courtney. brainchild of manish patel, who plays the role of singh, the story' s protagonist, triads, yardies and onion bhajees was showcased in a bbc two documentary on the making of the film .
triads, yardies and onion bhajees: once upon a time in southall is based on the novel the stone shiva by manish patel. the movie centres on the holy smokes crime syndicate and the real - life... see full summary »
triads, yardies and onion bhajees: once upon a time in southall is based on the novel the stone shiva by manish patel. the movie centres on the holy smokes crime syndicate and the real - life $ 6 million heathrow airport robbery. it' s a fight to the finish as the asian holy smokes battle the chinese triads, jamaican yardies and the english firm to see who rules london !
london is owned by four gangs; the new age yardies, triads and holy smokes who have muscled in on the turf of old skool hard nuts the firm .
based on a novel by the film' s screenwriter and star manish patel, and with the subtitle “once upon a time in southall”, triads, yardies and onion bhajees is the story of an asian gang called the holy smokes at war with triads, yardies and, no, not onion bhajees (isn' t it spelt' bhaji' ?), but the firm, the last gang of anglo - saxon cockneys left in london. at the helm of a huge drugs trafficking operation where cocaine is transported in onion bhajis so sniffer dogs won' t be able to detect the narcotics, the holy smokes also land themselves in not only the hottest, but the deepest water when they steal six million dollars from heathrow airport, planting the seeds for a string of murders between the rival gangs and chaos on the streets of the capitol city .
the only film to get an official selection from britain for the prestigious cannes film festival 2003 is a british asian production triads, yardies and onion bhajees! by pulp sanskrit / shaanti films. when manish patel, scriptwriter, actor, producer of the film received a letter from the cannes film festival saying his film has been short listed for screening, he could not believe it .
sarjit bains, director, believes he has assembled the best possible cast for triads, yardies and onion bhajees !
after years of watching films stereotyping ethnic minorities the time has come for a new viewpoint .
manish patel, screenwriter, says :
there seems to be a monopoly on ethnic roles in films and tv. the same faces crop up everywhere. be it comedy, action or angst - the same old faces - we hope to introduce the movie industry to the real talent !
here is a new genre of asian film. it' s fast! it' s violent! and there are no archetypal asian cheek - pinching - aunties or big song' n' dance numbers. six million dollars has been stolen from heathrow airport. which gang has it? the asian holy smokes, the triads, the yardies or the east end
firm
? and who is trying to take over the holy smokes' lucrative cocaine trade (cocaine smuggled in the onion bhajees from the title) ?
this movie is based on the holy smokes crime syndicate and the real life $ 6million heathrow airport robbery. it' s a fight to the finish as the asian holy smokes do battle with the chinese triads, jamaican yardies and the english firm to see who really rules london !
triads, yardies and onion bhajees! is the first ever film to show the goings on in the gritty underbelly of london' s multi - cultural underworld where indian gangs are getting powerful with each passing day. until yesterday in british gangster films like guy ritchie' s lock stock and two smoking barrels, blacks played comic roles and indians were only seen behind cash counters in corner shops. in the real world, gun culture is turning to be the biggest problem among indian and black communities. tired of asians being merely associated with arranged marriages and the consequent identity crisis, young asians are now vigorously exploring new, relevant themes for films .
south london is governed by the yardies, the jamaican mafia. at the head of this notorious crew is lloyd. this gang lives purely for the day and their motto is live' fast and die young!'
someone is muscling on the holy smokes' cocaine deals and they are not amused. plus six million dollars has gone missing from heathrow airport. hot on the trail of the money is the metropolitan police' s most corrupt officer, detective inspector greaves. it' s a roller - coaster ride as the holy smokes wage war against the chinese triads, jamaican yardies and the english firm .
north london is the territory of the triads. these ruthless chinese gangsters will do anything to protect their honour. leading them is the young billy chan .
stylistically, triads, yardies and onion bhajees is atrocious. it' s presented in horribly grainy black and white for no purpose that i could see, with off, shaky camerawork. the director obviously had absolutely no idea what he was doing. the same goes for the writer—i have no idea what his novel is like, but his script contains some of the worst dialogue ever written, and not only is the writing wholly foul, but it' s coupled in a marriage from hell with actors who can' t do just that—act. literally no one in the movie is a decent performer, and i' m not being too harsh or exaggerating in the slightest. in fact, in the making of special feature, you see a couple of pages of the script and it' s not even formatted correctly. who the hell would invest their time, money and effort into making a movie with a “screenplay” so mind - numbingly bad? i would have killed myself if i had the sheer misfortune of reading it .
someone is muscling on the holy smokes cocaine deals and they are not amused. added to this deadly event is the theft of six million dollars from heathrow airport making an explosive cocktail! hot on the trail of the missing money is the metropolitan police' s most corrupt officer detective inspector greaves (jonathan reason) and singh (manish patel), london' s most ruthless feared hitman. it' s a roller - coaster ride as the holy smokes wage war against the triads, the yardies and the firm .
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extras ★★ the bbc' s making of feature, public reaction to the film, theatrical trailer, radio interviews and two trailers for the film cash and curry, directed and co - written by bains and patel respectively—so it' s probably nightmarishly bad .
one of my favourite films of recent years. i got to see this while a student in leicester in an art - house cinema. triads, yardies... blows away every stereotype concerning the british asian community. the film belongs to newcomer manish patel (singh), who literally steals the show. very few actors achieve cult status in their debut films but it appears that patel has done this by the bucket load. getting dave courtney (mad dave) to portray the head of the english mob was an inspired move .
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i' ve given this 3 stars and that is on the basis that an amateur filmmaker could watch this and try and replicate the shots and styles as a way of practice. the areas the gangsters are located in and heist idea makes sense. however, the acting is very poor compared to a quality gangster movie. the look of the film is cheap and the cinematography appears to be very basic. its pays tribute to scarface using the ironic
the world is yours quote
within the film .
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i started watching this with a bit of trepidation... but it was a much better film than thought it would be! basically it is very provincial and would only really appeal to people in the uk and then only people that live within london and know the industrialised areas centralised around heathrow e. g. slough, staines and feltham. most people will recognise all the thugs and miscreants wandering around the streets and using it to live out their gangster fantasies... anyway, i liked it .
summary: someone is muscling in a london gang' s cocaine deals and they are not amused. add to this the theft of $ 6m dollars from heathrow airport and its pursuit by the metropolitan police' s most corrupt officer and you have an explosive cocktail
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when manish patel, scriptwriter, actor and producer of the film, received a letter from the cannes film festival saying his film had been shortlisted for screening, he could not believe it. this is patel' s first feature film and though he coveted a cannes release, he had hardly expected such an accolade. triads is the first ever film to show the goings on in the gritty underbelly of london' s multicultural underworld where indian gangs are getting powerful with every passing day. till recently, blacks played comic roles and indians were only seen behind cash counters in corner shops in british gangster films like guy ritchie' s lock stock and two smoking barrels. in the real world, gang and gun culture is the biggest problem in the indian and black communities. tired of asian association with arranged marriages and identity crisis, young asians are exploring new, relevant themes for films .
we have to make real films ,
says patel. the film has a cast of 89 actors, including former east london gangster dave courtney .
appears to have been made with worse production values that a 70s porn film and with ...
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from the trailers and interviews i' ve seen and heard this is going to be a must - see film. it will premiere at cannes this year and then go on general release in june. the only problem might be the certificate, as this is reputed to be a very violent film .
this was an excellent portrayal of gang life and the trials and tributes between rival culture gangs. the acting was great all round with the outstanding role of trudie played by yasmine maya. she threw so much passion and power into this role. this film would be a very enjoyable watch for any film lover .
we bought this film thinking and believing it was going to be a great british gangster film - comparing itself to lock stock and two smoking barrels, we have yet to discover the comparison! the story / plot seemed like a winning formula - we were very wrong. the acting other than dave courtney was atrocious, and the most laughable one being that of the main character / hardman singh. we couldn' t take it seriously we found it all so bizarre and not at all close to that of real life gangsters and gangs, i can' t go any deeper into that without giving some of the plot away. we presumed it was filmed in black and white as it looked even worse in colour. had this film been more realistic and better actors used - not so wooden and reading from a script it could have been enjoyable. we had to laugh at the end that we had sat and watched it all. do not be sucked in to the false advertising on the cover a complete waste of time .
gangsters, gamblers and geezers is story about two lovable losers, krish and lee who get fired from their call centre jobs. after spending all their money in a crazy month of partying, they... see full summary »
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black and white? nice touch, but that was it. the concept seemed sound but the delivery was weak and protracted. the acting is of the bad school play standard - speaking in what seems to be slow motion does not add gravitas to the dialogue which is basically tosh. stereotypes abound and they all speak and move slowly - maybe this was some clever mechanism? or it could have been dull acting and unispired direction. i really did try to find redeeming features: humour, irony, a whiff of spoof, but failed. those who have rated this with five stars must have been cast members .
a robbery at heathrow airport stirs up trouble between the four rival crime syndicates dominating the london underworld - particularly when the most corrupt inspector in the metropolitan police and a feared indian hitman get involved. crime drama, starring manish patel and dave courtney .
welcome to london, home of many creeds and cultures. the modern criminal underworld reflects the diverse races that call london home .
i could have vomited up alphabetti spaghetti and came up with a better script. i' ve seen better acting in porn films
i was ecpecting a really good british flick here and how wrong was i. utter rubbish. avoid this one. no more said
i am tired of seeing films on arranged marriages and identity crisis. we have to make real films ,
says manish. john trovolta has agreed to come for the screening at cannes and kevin spacy' s agent has got in touch showing great interest in the film and its release. this is manish patel' s first ever feature film and he covets a cannes release. his dream has come true. the film has 89 cast members including notorious east london ex gangster dave courtney. it also has a spiritual thread running through it and depicts goddess kali in some form in every shot in the film. the story begins in little india with once upon a time in southall... and manish is planning to do two more films on indian gang culture in near future to form a trilogy .
trippy indie madeline' s madeline is the movie that lakeith stanfield and boots riley from sorry to bother you want to see the most .
a woman is forced into a deadly game in which she has to kill five people or all her friends and family will be butchered .
this is probably the worst film i have ever seen, and i' ve watched some pretty bad films. to be fair, the camera work is pretty good for a low budget movie, but the acting and script are really, really poor, especially the acting .
lucy and dean are a match made in hell, but who will come out on top? revenge is a dish best served cold. .
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many thanks to michael carrington for sending me a cd rom of material from and about the film, which has enabled me to produce this page .
the only thing actually interesting in the film is the idea of smuggling cocaine in the food, but that' s it. and even that little shimmer of creative hope just simply isn' t bright enough to offer any redeeming qualities whatsoever. the movie is a sham and a joke. it was first released into independent cinemas in 2003, so it' s taken seven years to get this garbage onto dvd. i' m really not surprised. whoever wrote the quote on the box art that it' s the best british gangster film since lock stock and two smoking barrels is quite frankly a complete and utter moron .
no doubt this is an excellent film and does show a glimpse of the gang violence going on in london, and so far gone unnoticed in asian ethnic minority areas such as southall, where crime is rife. asians should now come out of the awful typecast they have been stuck in, i look forward to more .
well where do i start. firstly i love movies and can usually endure anything. i even managed to sit out 2012. i have a home cinema system and when i put this on i thought i had my amp on the wrong setting. putting aside the movie for a sec. the audio on this movie is a mess. its louder than the dialogue and takes you right out of the story. its almost offensive in places as then the chinese gansters are on screen the music has a chinese gong type sound to it. the indian parts have cittars (apologies for the spelling) in places. onto the movie. my guess is the director loves guy richie and tarantino and has tried to do his own version and failed badly. shot in arty grainy black and white (so bad it looks like a pirate copy) it sticks to quick camera cuts every 10 seconds. its like watching an mtv show like punkd. very tiring after a few minutes. the sad thing is the story is pretty good but again, ruined by the soundtrack and some dodgy acting. there is a scene where the 2 gang leaders have a meeting whilst their henchmen watch each other menacingly. then they all pull guns out and start yelling at each other. yeah! yeah! come on then... . it descends into grange hill directed by steven segal. forgot to mention the henchmen all wear long dark coats and wear sunglasses (indoors in dark clubs) and goatee beards. yes its that bad. the whole movie jars you all the way. you really want to get on with the story but the constant cuts and music just irritate. it is not arty or clever. i would say its like its been made by 1st year film students but that would be offensive to them. a totally wasted opportunity. if you want a good low budget gangter movie without a load of tired old gimmicks watch shifty .
it also has a spiritual strain running through it and depicts goddess kali in some form in every shot. patel is planning to do two more films on indian gang culture in the near future to form a trilogy. for now, it is cannes that dominates patel' s plans. john travolta has agreed to come for the screening at cannes and kevin spacy' s agent has been in touch regarding the film and its release. from southhall to cannes has been a long journey .
a tale of love, intrigue, crime, passion, espionage and more importantly a veritable work of art. transcending zeitgeist to join the pantheon of the gods in eternity .
so many bodies are left in the wake of the gang warfare and not a single squib is used, not even a single spray of blood. this is a low - budget independent movie, but that' s no excuse for not using squibs in a near two - hour film. the film - makers, if you can call them that, really need to read robert rodriguez' s book and see how he made el mariachi on a shoestring. throughout the running time you see the same weapons used over and over again, and i think they were just plastic bb guns to be perfectly honest. gunshots are illustrated by the addition of a white flash on the screen, and on the odd occasion you get to see hellishly, infuriatingly bad cgi thrown into the mix. no one in the film deserves to work near movies again. cinematic abortion. burn every copy you can find .
uk film premiere. based on the novel the stone shiva by manish patel, the film centres on the holy smokes crime syndicate and the real - life $ 6 million heathrow airport robbery .
i' ve watched this film from start to finish and loved it. so you all get a clear idea the whole flim was done in ten days and filmed on a hand held video camera the sound track was great i' m currently trying to find some of the songs from it. with the space of time they had and filming equipment i give it 10 / 10 great job ignore the haters on here whom seam to think they know anything about acting its a great film if you like to look at other films instead of the hollywood big buget rubbish! ! !
a truly awful film, appears to have been made with worse production values that a 70s porn film and with a very limited vocabulary on the dialogue. avoid at all costs despite the clever name
west london is ruled by the' holy smokes' crime syndicate. at their head is the ruthless chacha (jas bassi). his mob includes various psychopathic killers, pimps, and drug dealers .
i thought this film was going to be a bit of a lock, stock rip - off but what i saw was something new. it' s got a real cutting edge feel about it and shows the british asian community in a new but violent light! i would urge readers to watch this film because it does blow away the misconceptions we see regularly on tv regarding asian culture and family life .
with all the hype, i was looking forward to this and... oh dear, oh dear, oh dear... imagine your local am dram group having a crack at reservoir dogs and you' re about there. this is awful. the best performance, surprisingly, comes from dave courtney who basically plays himself, though having said that he doesn' t overact or heighten what he is. it' s a strong commendable performance. the film compares itself to' lock, stock & two smoking barrels'. the truth is it' s just not in the same league. it' s' crossroads on crack' and it stinks .
the story of a bad boy hoodie & his gang that dominate their zone on a notorious south london estate, and five families struggle with every day crime. police corruption is at a high & residents are pushed to the limit .
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determined to rip away territory from rival gangs, each outfit is extreme in performing acts of imaginatively cruel revenge and obtaining power… some fight to keep what they’ve ripped away from other gangs, some are fighting to keep what they fought to own .
packed full of tongue - in - cheek humor, the film features gritty but cool action sequences and inspired levels of violence creating a dark comedy in the gangster genre mould, made greater in its realistic portrayal by the past of its star .
my boyfriend finally persuaded me to watch this film with him as he has recently got me into british gangster films such as' lock stock' and' reservoir dogs'. after watching the theatrical trailer which is on the extras, we weren' t expecting much. we sat for about 30 minutes waiting for it to finally kick in. the amateur acting and shoddy camera work reminded me of a tacky music video rather than' the best british gangster film since lock stock' .
larry malone sets up his brother dave to get rid of murphy, a rival gang leader, and then informs on dave to have him convicted of murder. in one simple act of double - dealing he, ... see full summary »
the tomatometer score — based on the opinions of hundreds of film and television critics — is a trusted measurement of critical recommendation for millions of fans. it represents the percentage of professional critic reviews that are positive for a given film or television show .
movies and tv shows are certified fresh with a steady tomatometer of 75% or higher after a set amount of reviews (80 for wide - release movies, 40 for limited - release movies, 20 for tv shows), including 5 reviews from top critics .
i decided to rent this film after reading the synopsis and thinking that it sounded pretty good. it was not. it it one f the worst films i have ever seen. from the acting to the plot t the horrible camera work. it was terrible !
one of the best movies this year. without spoiling the film too much, there are a lot of expected bloodbaths, drugs, racism, funny scenes and even funnier one - liners. it' s definitely worth a watch and miles better than tarantino' s kill bill, the other' unconventional' film of the year that was hyped up to be something that its not. the humour in this film plays a small part to a serious plot, so dont expect another' usual asian comedy', but it works extremely well .
i cannot over emphasize how shite this film is, i am a big fan of gangster movies and other genres. this film makes the worst danny dyer flick look like the long good friday! i cant tell you how poor this movie is. it is to film what australian soaps are to serious dramas. whoever rated this movie beyond 2 stars has either no taste or is a friend of one of the actors or director and so cant publicly slag it off. you could be high af and still find this slow and painful to watch. nothing is done well in this film, it remind me of a production done by sixth formers with the plot written by 11 year olds. the sound effects don' t even match whats happening on screen (no not a synch time lag issue) i mean the wrong sounds, imagine a goose going moo. this is a lesson of how not to make a movie. there is no comic relief either so this can' t even blag that its a satirical parody. if you ever see the people who made this dull as dishwater picture ask them who paid them and then sell that company any old bollocks for a cash return. honestly this review is a better bit of literature, i wouldnt go as far as saying i am seeking therapy for this movie, (that would give the idea that it had an effect on me which would require some quality at some level which it sorely lacks) but it was fecking painful to watch and bored the hole off of me to the point that i had to turn to the samaritans as i lost the will to live. the cia could use this to torture someone. this film was worse than watching a live abortion at the 30 week stage using a toasting for attached to the drive shaft of a leyland van
stuart o' connor is the managing editor of screenjabber, the movie review website he co - founded with neil davey far too many years ago. he likes all genres, as long as the film is good (although he does enjoy the occasional bad
guilty pleasure
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the worst piece of garbage i' ve ever seen. so bad that i turned it off half way through and binned it. when they fire guns it looks like lasers come out, the acting is so wooden it' s not even funny, worst excuse for a gang film i' ve ever seen, do not buy !
this is a satisfying beginning from a group of new film - makers who are well on their way to promoting new talent (brilliant performances by ashvin - kumar joshi & peter peralta) and hopefully changing the course of british asian film - making with no stereotypical roles. an inspiring indie film that goes for the jugular with nods to various cinematic styles along the way .
having missed it in bradford, i managed to catch a showing in leicester square - a truly great effort from film - makers of the future, the pace, music and of course the acting were superb. i look forward to working with one of the actors (ashvin - k joshi) in the near future. well done, the film deserves a general release .
full of quick cuts ala mtv. it' s ok ish on mtv as the quick cuts are a prelude to a clip, song etc but throughout a movie it' s just tiring. bad gangster cliches too. blokes in long coats staring at each other across a table whilst their goatee bearded henchen look on menacingly. dear oh dear. to add insult to injury the soundtrack is the worst ive ever heard. it' s too loud and drowns out the dialogue (maybe it was intentional). awful acting, direction, soundtrack. don' t waste your time. it' s not cool or gritty either .
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through flashbacks, full english breakfast follows the violent career of dave bishop (dave courtney) a small - time london villain who kills his way to the top of britain' s drugs empire. now... see full summary »
highlights the impact gang warfare reaps, not only to the guilty of its time but to the innocent generations that follow .
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this ain' t' bend it like beckham'... this ain' t' east is east'... this is southall. who rules london town? black, white or brown ?
east london is home to the firm. the last stronghold of the original anglo - saxon cockney gangsters, the firm is ruled by mad dave (dave courtney). they cannot understand how london has come to be ruled by the ethnic mobsters .
an amazing cocktail of classic british crime films all rolled into one. a must see film! - - movie international an amazing cocktail of classic british crime films all rolled into one. a must see film! - - movie international an amazing cocktail of classic british crime films all rolled into one. a must see film! - - movie international an amazing cocktail of classic british crime films all rolled into one. a must see film! - - movie international an amazing cocktail of classic british crime films all rolled into one. a must see film! - - movie international
quiet possibly one of the best pieces of film ever produced. amazing what just a bunch of lads could do with just a handheld cam corder! inspiring !
pathetic film which portrays the holy smokes in accurately & offensively, does not do much justice to other gangs either .
this exquisite feature film is truly one of the hits of 2003. the sepia overtones invoked oscar - winning classic schindler' s list but there was far greater acting ability on show, ...
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where do i start? words cannot describe how awful this film is. but i' ll have a go. it' s so terrible that i actually had to restrain myself from giving it no stars at all, which is something, along with ½ star ratings, that i just don' t do .
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incredible film. everybody must see this when it comes to cinemas. it is incredible. wow !
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poor pathetic sh - - the only good thing is the drag queen courtney in the flick, & what a drag queen he is, he dont know the front to the back of a bus let alone a gun or acting, his life has been one big act the only time he will get his 15 minutes of fame is in the obituaries. dont waist you hard earned on this trash .
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i bought this because i like gangster films. i am annoyed i spent £2 on it. somebody should have paid me to watch it. it was such a poor film it was painful to watch, i switched it off before the end, which is something i have never done before. do not buy this film! in fact, even if somebody gives you it for free, don' t watch it. i wish i didn' t have to give it one star .
i will add another 1 star. so crap i keep going off it .
did i miss something. cliche ridden tosh made worse by overblown audio on soundtrack
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was so bad made me cringe, turned off after 10mins, possibly the worst film i have ever seen, acting was awful, sarjit bains... . dont give up the day job. can i have my money back
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terrible film, bad acting, bad script. don' t waste your time. turned off after 30mins
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a review will appear here just as soon as i' ve seen a review copy of the film.
triads , yardies and onion bhajees is a 2003 british crime film directed by sarjit bains , telling the story of a hitman working in london . the film stars real life ex-gangster and underworld don dave courtney . brainchild of manish patel , who plays the role of singh , the story 's protagonist , triads , yardies and onion bhajees was showcased in a bbc two documentary on the making of the film . the film draws upon the imagery of hindu deity kali , traditionally invoked to vanquish evil , with the three gangs being likened to modern-day thugees . after its cannes showcase the film was optioned by 4 digital media and went on uk wide release through the independent cinema network . 
triads, yardies and onion bhajees is a 2003 british crime film directed by sarjit bains, telling the story of a hitman working in london. the film stars real life ex-gangster and underworld don dave courtney. brainchild of manish patel, who plays the role of singh, the story's protagonist, triads, yardies and onion bhajees was showcased in a bbc two documentary on the making of the film. the film draws upon the imagery of hindu deity kali, traditionally invoked to vanquish evil, with the three gangs being likened to modern-day thugees. after its cannes showcase the film was optioned by 4 digital media and went on uk wide release through the independent cinema network.
triads, yardies and onion bhajees is a 2003 british crime film directed by sarjit bains, telling the story of a hitman working in london. the film stars real life ex-gangster and underworld don dave courtney. brainchild of manish patel, who plays the role of singh, the story's protagonist, triads, yardies and onion bhajees was showcased in a bbc two documentary on the making of the film. the film draws upon the imagery of hindu deity kali, traditionally invoked to vanquish evil, with the three gangs being likened to modern-day thugees. after its cannes showcase the film was optioned by 4 digital media and went on uk wide release through the independent cinema network.