i hate valentine ' s day
why i hate valentine' s day and what to do about it. - australian traveller
and now - - too soon - - comes
i hate valentine' s day .
you know the obvious stuff. you know the main reasons to hate valentine’s day .
nia vardalos, left, directs and stars in
i hate valentine' s day
with john corbett .
we have valentine’s day. we don’t hate our partner. we love our partner. and we hate that this distinction is sometimes lost .
looking for movie tickets? enter your location to see which movie theaters are playing i hate valentine' s day near you .
maybe instead, it' s time to take a second to examine why you hate valentine' s day so much .
for
i hate valentine' s day ,
though, vardalos has chosen to direct. and that' s a mistake that only compounds the ones in her screenplay .
but i hate valentines day. it’s more than just the rampant commercialisation – it’s the crap that carries on around it. here are the three worst things that happen on the day .
john corbett and nia vardallos are also a couple in my big fat greek wedding 2. ian gomez, nia' s real life husband also appears in i hate valentine' s day and both fat greek wedding films .
i recently did one for my mum and dad’s 50th wedding anniversary and it was cheap and relatively painless. i used
i absolutely love valentine' s day. it' s my favorite holiday of the year. tons of people hate it, but those people are jaded and possibly allergic to candy conversation hearts. instead of hating on the fete d' amour, they should just focus their loathing on the worst part of v - day: the valentine' s day prix fixe menu .
in conclusion: remain calm. you are loved. valentine' s day is not your enemy .
it seemed unlikely that vardalos could star in a movie flatter or more desultory than my life in ruins. but she' s outdone herself with i hate valentine' s day, which she not only wrote but directed, in addition to starring .
because hate, like love, takes work. if you don’t nurture your hate, keep it fresh, keep it spontaneous, soon you will feel nothing at all .
another reason people hate on v - day is the more obvious one — if you' re single (# represent), you may hate seeing all the couples in relationships
rub it in your face
by existing on valentine' s day. you feel lonely. you feel upset with yourself. and that notion makes me sad for you, because if that' s why you hate the day, then you' ve got it all wrong. valentine' s day isn' t just about romantic love — it' s about all kinds of love. the love you have for your family, for your friends, for your dog, for the cheese lady at the deli who sometimes sneaks in a free sample for you, for yourself. you have so many people in your life to be thankful for, who shaped you into the person you are today. this day is about all of them. maybe try celebrating the day by being mindful of that, and you' ll find that you don' t actually hate valentine' s day. you hate your mistaken idea of what valentine' s day represents .
ok, so i am a guy but people tell me i am not too bad on the romance stakes. the wife says it’s a bit inconsistent – it’s not daily .
do you say “happy valentine’s day” to people at work? if so, is that sexual harassment? and how about with family members–do you say happy valentine’s day to your aunt, your cousin? only the finest of lines separates etiquette and incest .
it all happens in one day. everyone wants delivery on the day and everyone wants it early .
“i had been dating this guy for a couple of months and things were clearly going nowhere. i was planning on breaking up with him before valentine’s day but he made such a big deal about celebrating it with me that i figured i’d give it a couple of days. after all, he wasn’t that bad. on valentine’s day we went out for dinner and had a blast. at the end of the night he finally said, “i want to give you your gift already! ” i felt bad because i didn’t get him anything, so with a lot of hesitation i agreed to see what it was. he had tattooed my initials on his arm! i took one look at it and freaked out. i told him right then and there that we could no longer date, as our feelings were clearly not mutual. he didn’t take it very well and to this day has my initials tattooed on his arm as a reminder of how awful a person i was to him. ” —melissa, 39
i hate valentine’s day” is a romantic comedy with one peculiarity: the heroine is stark, staring mad. i will tell you how i arrived at this diagnosis. genevieve has an unbreakable policy regarding men: five dates, and she’s out the door. she even specifies exactly what each of the dates must be like, leading up to no. 5, during which she doesn’t say so, but going all the way is a possibility .
that' s a shame, because i wanted
i hate valentine' s day
to be better. we could use a decent romantic comedy, and, speaking of
decent ,
give vardalos some credit there: even when other date flicks stooped to raunchy gags, she' s always worked clean. forget that pg - 13 rating; this is a film you can take your young daughter to .
prices - on valentine' s day a florist' s rose prices double, of course we cannot double our prices so we work on a much slimmer margin .
they’re everywhere. “ways to find love on valentine’s day! ” “100 ways to bag a man on valentine’s day! ” you can’t go to the grocery store without seeing these top 10 lists everywhere. and you know the worst offenders? the top 10 lists that pretend to be cynical of valentine’s day, yet still here they are, gobbling up more space, wasting your time. oh, wait .
i hate valentine' s day
movie review - - the ancient greeks used to tell the story of sisyphus, who was fated to roll an enormous boulder to the top of a mountain - - only to have it slip away just as he neared the top. it' s a story nia vardalos can probably understand .
“i had recently gained a couple of pounds and was feeling super insecure about it. my husband of six years decided he wanted to help and so for valentine’s day he got me a gym membership and a juicer. let’s just say i didn’t talk to him for a couple of days! ” —denise, 46
“one year, the guy i was dating made it seem like he forgot about valentine’s day. he didn’t make any romantic gestures when i saw him in the morning, and then decided to go to chipotle with his guy friends for lunch. it wasn’t until late in the afternoon when he dropped off some flowers—and they were basic flowers. i don’t even think we had a dinner or anything (even though we lived in the same building) and we were dating for about ten months at that point. i also love valentine’s day and cheesy, romantic gestures (which he knew), so i was pretty bummed. ” —sarah, 23
“he got mad at me because i didn’t want to go out with him and five of his idiot friends to smoke weed and go to the chinese buffet. he forgot it was valentine’s day. ” —cat, 30
“my husband and i had only been married for about three years when he was forced to work a last - minute job away from home. back then there were no cell phones, so i was left home alone on valentine’s day without an explanation. i was hurt, angry, and worried all at the same time. the next night he came home with a gift that he saw at a store on his way… a dozen artificial bright orange roses. my reception of this bouquet was not what he expected. i took one look and realized it was an arrangement for a cemetery marker! let’s make sure we never confuse valentine’s day and memorial day. ” —stephanie, 59
and if i haven' t sold you, and you really and genuinely hate valentine' s day, at least be cool about it. maybe avoid going on facebook that day. don' t put yourself in a situation where you know you' re going to be miserable or make other people around you miserable. you do you, the same way the non - valentine' s day haters are doing them. stay in your lane, or better yet, don' t bother getting on the road at all that day. it' s one damn day of the year, you can put your big kid pants on and wait to complain about your # singlewoes until tomorrow .
but that’s just it: february 14 is weighed down by unrealistically high expectations, and some guys don’t always hit the nail on the head. so we, and the folks over at wp diamonds, asked women about the worst things guys have done to royally screw up valentine’s day. it’s to be expected: finding her a valentine’s day gift she’ll actually love, especially after the holidays, can be tricky. plus, it totally depends on the type of women you’re spending it with. some women actually hate valentine’s day —but if you know she’s expecting a romantic night out, consider this your go - to list of things not to do this year .
i heard horrible reviews for this, but honestly it' s not that bad. when you go into a movie called mothers day, released mother' s day week, you really shouldn' t be too shocked about what you get. i hate cloying in a movie, and luckily this one only falls into that a few times. the racism from the older parents towards their daughters indian husband had me cringing more really. it' s not a movie i will be watching over and over. it is pretty disposable as movies go with the expected amount of predictability. but for a movie to take my mother to on mother' s day, which she very much enjoyed, i give it three stars .
genevieve is a woman beloved by all who encounter her, when in real life, i would be terrified of her. she is considered a source of great wisdom about romance, although dr. phil might advise protective custody. in “i hate valentine’s day, ” she runs the cutest little florist shop in brooklyn and dispenses invaluable advice to men uncertain about a valentine’s day gift (flowers). she has two gay assistants who think she is about the best thing since maria callas. and this cute guy opens a tapas bar next door, named get on tapas, haha .
i recommend mother' s day to no one, unless you happen to despise your mother and are looking for a passive - aggressive way to communicate your loathing to her .
roger ebert was born on this day in 1942, and died a little over five years ago. i owe a good part of my success…
there are also, however, some additional reasons to hate this “holiday, ” some new ways to fuel your spite .
v for vendetta
what better way to forget about valentine' s day than a movie about a fascist government and a vigilante? there is no better way .
the shining
you' ll be happy you' re not married to a psycho lunatic who' s trying to kill you and your family after watching this. happy valentine' s day to you .
in
i hate valentine' s day
nia vardalos stars as genevieve, a romantic, carefree florist. she loves romance but keeps her relationships short with a
five date
rule. her theory is tested when her whirlwind romance with greg (corbett), the charming new restaurateur in town, reaches the end of their fifth date, and she realizes she wants more .
reds, pinks, flashing hearts, neon flowers, winking cupids. christ. can we just all take it down a notch? valentine’s day makes pawn shops look classy .
i' m single, too. and i get it. it feels bad when nobody' s paying attention to you. i could demonstrate my understanding of this by taking you all the way back to the 15 - plus years of my formerly shy self' s
pay attention to me
complex that ultimately led to a doomed theater career in high school and less doomed grown up career broadcasting my personal life on the internet, but i' m saving it for my sh * tty memoir anyway. what i' m really here to talk about is valentine' s day, specifically to clear up a few things for the haters on what exactly this holiday is about .
valentine’s day is fast approaching, so you might already be scheming up the perfect gift or date night for whoever is lucky enough to spend the day with you. flowers? of course. chocolate? even better. jewelry? freaking nailed it .
he got game
this spike lee movie will have you forget that it' s even valentine' s day at all. denzel washington plays a basketball star' s father who ends up in prison after accidentally killing his wife during a domestic violence dispute .
are the guys i reckon who do a grand jpob of the theatre / arts package .
feb. 14, otherwise known as single' s awareness day (sad) or more popularly known as
valentine' s day ,
is upon us. but, whatever. either way, here are some things to watch if you loathe all the love and hearts and crap. enjoy .
we just checked the “the runaway valentine” out from our ilrbary and i think its hysterical! have you seen “sweet hearts” by jan carr? it’s the nicest little rhyming book about a young panda hiding valentine’s cards for his parents to find — “one heart on the bathroom mirror, one heart in a shoe, one heart by my mommy’s mug, to tell her ‘i love you’ –it is too cute and my daughter (3) just adores it! we plan on doing this on feb. 14 to surprise our “daddy panda, ” heehee! will we be seeing any silly eagle book crafts to go along with valentine’s day? !
mother' s day
is the latest star studded ensemble comedy from director garry marshall (
pretty woman ,
valentine' s day
). bringing together jennifer aniston, kate hudson and julia roberts along with jason sudeikis, it' s a celebration of mothers everywhere. this big - hearted comedy invites us all to enjoy the laughter, tears and love as three generations come together in the week leading up to mother' s day .
mother' s day
is a total mess, but what' s truly offensive is that they didn' t even try to make this cynical, post - sunday brunch cash grab even remotely watchable. your mom deserves so much better this mother' s day .
mother' s day might be trying to show how diverse and progressive it is in representing every kind of family, but it' s a laugh track away from three' s company levels of subterfuge .
i would love for my colleagues to share their dislikes too. please share your comments below .
“last year, i met someone on tinder who i thought was pretty cool and it just so happened that our first date was to be on valentine’s day. i was super excited because we were going to this new restaurant in my neighborhood that i had been dying to try. we were to meet there at 8 p. m. i got dressed up for the first time in ages and drove to the restaurant. he had made reservations under his name and so the hostess walked me over to our table. when i got there, a woman was already sitting at the table. i looked at the hostess with confusion and asked her if she was sure that this was our table. she smiled, nodded, and walked away. turns out my tinder date had a wife. she found out about the date he had set up and came in his place instead. needless to say, i will never use tinder ever again! ” —erica, 27
vinegar valentine' s card, c1875. shows a miserable woman holding several books:' pray do you ever mend your clothes, or comb your hair? well, i suppose you' ve got no time, for people, say, you' re reading novels all the day.'
valentine’s day is known as a time for people to send love notes, including anonymous ones signed “your secret admirer. ” but during the victorian era and the early 20th century, february 14 was also a day on which unlucky victims could receive “vinegar valentines” from their secret haters .
like valentine’s day. thanks to february 14 th –and the movies needed to feed that beast–hollywood execs sit around meetings, munching on tuna sandwiches, saying things like, “i’m visualizing… kate hudson. she’s a lawyer, cute and spunky, like ally mcbeal. and even though she’s one of the 100 sexiest actresses on the planet, she can never find a date–because she’s, ah, clumsy. oh! and she wears glasses! one day she meets mr. right…. only he’s… the opposing counsel! now all we need’s a title. jimmy, whattya got? trial of the heart? make it happen! ”
it’s a victory of style over substance the public song and dance for valentines day is often more about each member of the relationship proudly showing off at the water cooler the next day. its meaningless in reality .
shirley walks out of the office with lou, her new boss. dawn brings her things into joan' s office, and sits down in joan' s chair as the new director of personnel. jim and roger take the elevator downstairs together, and jim tells him ,
i' d hate to think of you as an adversary
.
because that' s just it, and say it with me now: this day is not about us single folk. plot twist — this day isn' t even about people in relationships! this day is about love. and quite honestly, all your whining is wrecking it for everyone .
and who could blame them? just as card makers today sell valentines targeted for siblings, in - laws, grandparents, or pets, manufacturers during valentine’s day’s heyday saw these insulting messages as a way to make money, and it’s clear that consumers liked what they were selling. according to the writer ruth webb lee, by the mid - 19th century, vinegar valentines represented about half of all valentine sales in the u. s .
this was not as bad as i thought it would be. comfortable predictable yet still enjoyable to watch .
i get that it' s cool to be cynical now. it' s a fun thing we all do — to get a laugh, to protect our egos, to take our rightful place as the april ludgate of the office. you' re the antis, you' re ~ cool ~, you' re subversive, blah blah blah. only it' s not subversive. take a look around, haters. the anti - valentine' s day movement is hella louder than the actual holiday, and i am drawing my line in the metaphorical sand .
the big short
yaaassss, wealthy wall street white men take advantage of the nation' s collapsing housing industry and make even more millions. yay capitalism. this movie will probably direct your hatred of valentine' s day elsewhere and for a better cause .
people sent vinegar valentines as far back as at least 1840. back then, they were called “mocking, ” “insulting, ” or “comic” valentines—“vinegar” seems to be a modern description. they were especially popular during the mid - 19th century, when both the u. s. and britain caught valentine’s day fever, a time talked about as “a valentine’s craze or valentine’s mania, ” pollen says. “the press was always talking about this phenomena … these were new, kind of mind - boggling quantities, these millions and millions of cards, ” both sweet and sour .
you think you’ve got issues. my valentine date got run down by a kangaroo! urltoken
don drops sally off at school, and as she leaves the car, she wishes him a
happy valentine' s day
and tells him that she loves him. don watches as she walks up the steps of her dormitory .
joan has moved dawn from outside lou' s office to reception so meredith is now lou' s secretary. bert walks into joan’s office, displeased with the new arrangement. “i’m all for the national advancement of colored people, but i don’t believe people should advance all the way to the front, ” he says. he orders joan to switch the secretaries around again but dawn or shirley cannot be at reception .
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men were not immune to the vinegar valentine attacks, like this one mocking a bald guy in 1907 .
this vinegar valentine from the late 19th century calls out a terrible singer. from the strong museum of play .
a rare vinegar valentine from the 1860s points out the grim reality of a physician visiting the civil war battlefield .
several cards from this 1940s vinegar valentine series suggests that the recipient kill his or herself for some small offense .
we still have nightmares. we’re still scarred. in school we had to scrawl out stupid notes and put them in a girl’s locker, where, usually, we would be humiliated by rejection or actually get stuffed in the locker ourselves. (that happened to everyone else too, right? right ?) and now we have valentine’s day e - cards. awesome. i’d rather have more spam about low home mortgages, penis enlargement, or erectile dysfunction. at least those are meant to solve problems .
first of all, who are any of us to police the harmless things other people enjoy? yeah, i get it. it' s a commercialized holiday, it' s a waste of money, all that tired old jazz. but some people like it. some people enjoy the dumb cards and the fancy restaurants and the sappy declarations of love. you being aggressive about how much you hate them for it isn' t going to make it go away, but more to the point — they don' t deserve that. they didn' t do anything to you, and their enjoyment of the holiday isn' t doing anything to you. your anger at them comes from some reflection of yourself and your own circumstances that has nothing to do with people who are happy on valentine' s day .
although scholars don’t know how many of them were sent as a joke—the someecards of their day—or how many were meant to harm, it is clear that some people took their message seriously. in 1885, london’s pall mall gazette reported that a husband shot his estranged wife in the neck after receiving a vinegar valentine that he could tell was from her. pollen also says there was a report of someone committing suicide after receiving an insulting valentine—not completely surprising, considering that’s exactly what some of them suggested .
in the sc & p elevator, peggy tries to convince stan and michael to work late when they remind her it' s valentine' s day. they then tease her about her lack of a date. michael jokes that peggy' s calendar for the day reads ,
masturbate gloomily
. they approach peggy' s office and she notices a vase of dozen red roses. she assumes they are from ted and takes them into her office. meanwhile, peggy is first flattered by the roses then becomes upset. she calls moira, ted' s secretary, leaves a stilted message for ted about the loss of a made - up account that is supposed to convey that ted' s flowers won' t fix things with peggy .
there’s nothing more you can do ,
peggy declares .
the account is lost .
moira asks which client she’s talking about and peggy says ted will know .
must settle down sometime, but won' t throw himself away too early. vinegar valentine' s card, 19th century. shows a haggard whiskered man leaning against a bar, smoking .
vinegar valentine' s card, c1875. shows a young woman throwing a bucket of water at a man. bears message:' here' s a pretty cool reception, at least you' ll say there' s no deception, it says as plain as it can say, old fellow you' d best stop away.'
well i reckon a photo book is pretty darn special these days – organising digital photos is such a pain, that the photo book is a decent solution .
vinegar valentine' s card, c1875. shows a man bearing a picture of a heart struck by arrows and the title' pity a poor wounded heart'. bears message:' tis said you share your love with many. but i believe you have not any at least enough to give away. you keep it for yourself they say.'
sinister
you might not want to watch this alone - - or maybe you do. we don' t know your life. a true - crime author finds home movies that show the murder he' s researching is the work of a serial killer from a long time ago. this one is actually pretty scary and has a few twists. definitely anti - valentine' s day .
mississippi damned
nothing is as anti - valentine' s as a depressing movie about three poor black kids from rural mississippi who witness violence, drug abuse and addiction on a constant basis .
it’s almost like a scoreboard for women – the size of the bouquet is a measure of the women’s ability to garner the devotion of some guy .
“we ended up breaking up the next month. he bought me nothing and i bought him indians home opener tickets. (it’s not about the gifts, but still, cough up some chocolate or something, homeboy .) ” —brielle, 22
where ignorance is bliss,' tis folly to be wise. vinegar valentine' s card, 19th century. shows a shy woman in black. bears message:' why maiden why, are you so very shy? pray don' t imagine for a moment i, am on the point of making love to you, for you are much mistaken if you do.'
all good things
this movie starts out great and lovey enough with a couple in love, but things take a turn for the worst when they can' t seem to make their marriage work. so even if you were in a relationship and happy this valentine' s day, chances are it probably wouldn' t work anyways so yeah .
write you down an ass? tis done sir. vinegar valentine' s card, 19th century. shows a man in black holding a picture of another man. bears message:' oh what a pretty valentine, and so like you, friend of mine for every one says you' re an ass, and other donkeys quite surpass.'
we track hollywood' s upcoming movie releases through all stages of production. more
when it comes to wedding ceremonies and officiants, it’s a brave new world .
there' s an establishing shot of the manhattan skyline showing the empire state building lit up in blue and green. any new yorker knows that around valentines day, the empire state building would be lit up all red .
you like love. you’re a lover. and you don’t mind showing expressions of your love. for example, you relax on the couch by yourself, giving your partner the gift of space, the gift of silence, the gift of solitude. but you mind the goddamn love tax. on valentine’s day, you’re forced to buy roses and junk, otherwise you’ll get an audit (“why didn’t you buy me flowers? ”) tax day comes twice a year, and both times it sucks .
getting her to watch, though - - that' s a different matter .
i don' t know ,
my bored 15 - year - old daughter muttered half an hour in .
i don' t think this is going to go anywhere .
critics' children. they' re so jaded. so right, too. stephen whitty may be reached at swhitty @ urltoken or (212) 790 - 4435 .
what' s the difference between england, britain and the u. k. ?
it’s unimaginative beyond the commercialisation, it’s a manifestation of the most unimaginative lazy effort in a relationship imaginable. anyone who goes all out on valenitines day is, to me, not worth being in a relationship with. they do not have the personal fortitude to act in any imaginative way. they are nothing but sheep .
if you like your films light and bright, without pause for any of the authentically raw emotions that would naturally be associated with any one of these story lines, then go on, take your mum and go see mother' s day .
why do we fall for it every year? it feels like speed dating at a wedding reception. restaurants raise their prices, limit their choices, and treat the night like a catering job. and they get away with it because they know that we' re easy marks on valentine' s day. we' re looking to impress our significant others and we think going to the big name restaurant is going to be soooo impressive. it' s not. it' s usually quite disappointing. in fact, you' d be much better off finding some small, out - of - the - way place that doesn' t even acknowledge that february 14th happens to be a holiday. or, better yet, you should just stay home and cook dinner together this year. you' ll save money, you won' t have to deal with the arcane restrictions of the dreaded valentine' s day prix fixe menu, and you' ll only be steps away from the bedroom. it' s a victory for all parties involved .
valentine' s day. all of which is fitting as the owner of roses for romance, a quaint flower shop in the heart of a friendly brooklyn, ny neighborhood. her one problem is that she hates relationships. having been hurt numerous times in the past when it comes to matters of the heart, genevieve keeps herself happy by not letting any one man in. dating is (more… )
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the story: vardalos plays genevieve, a florist in brooklyn who has a rule about men - - no more relationships. it' s a daddy thing, related to her father deserting her mother - - which would make sense if it had happened when she was 12. as it turns out, dad fled when genevieve was 25 (which raises a whole other set of issues, but i' m making way more out of this ill - considered plot point than i should) .
once upon a time, couples planned their big romantic celebration around needlessly expensive jewelry and going to their favorite restaurant. there' d be a little wine, some good food (the ever - sexy chicken a la king, perhaps), and maybe even a roving violinist if they were lucky. now, valentine' s day at restaurants has turned into a factory experience. it goes something like this :
manhattan, a day before valentine' s day. genevieve owns a flower shop and has a personal dating rule: a limit of five dates with a man to avoid a relationship - - she loves the romance part but not the drama of what comes later. she' s upbeat and perky about the trumped up holiday, though that' s the nature of her personality. greg buys a restaurant nearby her shop, they decide to date. (this after he buys roses for his girlfriend on valentine' s day, and tries to be romantic at genevieve' s suggestion: sneak into her apartment and leave them for her... but there he found her in bed with someone else, we' re told .) the couple end up doing the first three dates just fine, and on the fourth, she sleeps over, and he stops calling. not pleased with that, she confronts him, and he' s counting the sleepover and subsequent day spent in bed and dates four and five, and she won' t admit to him or herself that (a) she likes him beyond the five date rule, and (b) the multi - day togetherness wasn' t a fifth date in her book. she lets the relationship fizzle out, though is miserable with that decision. nearly a year later, he decides to go for the grand gesture, bringing out things that are not comfortable for her (like a red dress) and he sings karaoke - style to her (outside his comfort zone), with backup by a bunch of people they know, with the finale being everyone arranging themselves in the shape of a heart from her vantage point of her upstairs apartment window; she calls him upstairs .
back at sc & p, lou calls joan and dawn into his office. he is angry that he had to deal with sally, and blames dawn, whose time is split between don and him .
i want my own girl ,
he says to joan, adding that dawn should have been there to deal with sally. dawn stands up for herself, reminding lou that she skipped lunch to buy a gift for his wife .
if you had been thoughtful enough to get her a gift when i told you about it ten days ago, i would’ve been here, ” she points out. a sputtering lou counters, “don’t you understand? it’s not my problem. ” joan agrees to switch the secretaries for him .
don has lunch with dave wooster from wells rich greene. dave mentions the rumors he has heard about what happened with don. “i don’t know what the truth is, and i don’t really care ,
he tells don. he offers him a position at wells rich and green, but don assures him that he still has a job and also a non - compete clause. he insists he is not looking for another position .
it follows
this movie is about a weird supernatural being that follows you and tries to kill you and the only way to get rid of it is if you have sex with someone. so i guess that' s a good way to be happy about probably not getting any on this special love holiday .
vinegar valentine' s card, c1875. shows a drunken man holding on to a lamp post. bears message:' the kiss of the bottle is your heart' s delight, and fuddled you reel home to bed every night, what care you for damsels, no matter how fair! apart from your liquor, you' ve no love to spare.'
even if stars jennifer aniston, julia roberts and kate hudson are mom' s all - time favorites, don' t subject her to this cloying, plotless dose of saccharine unless she' s done you wrong .
“my ex sent his mom out with $ 20 and told her to get me stuff. i got all this junk candy and a cheap plushy rose that he told me was better than a real one because it would never die. he handed it all to me in a plastic bag, tags and all. meanwhile, i had bought him a new, fancy wristwatch because he was always running late, and wrapped it up real nice. at least he enjoyed the exchange. ” —rebekah, 24
back in california, pete surprises bonnie at the house she is showing and attempts to convince her to leave work early to they can spend valentine' s day togehter. when bonnie refuses, pete vents about the lost chevrolet account. she reminds pete that they are both in sales, and are both at the mercy of higher - ups. bonnie tells him a story about a house she sold to
some okies
that burned down while in escrow, and describes it as an act of god. “our fortunes are in other people’s hands and we have to take them, ” she tells him. pete agrees to let bonnie finish her work .
don and sally stop for petrol and a meal. she is still pouting, so he explains why he lost his job. “i said the wrong things to the wrong people at the wrong time. i told the truth about myself, but it wasn’t the right time, ” he explains and assures her that she knows the truth about him. sally asks if he still loves megan, he says yes. then sally asks why he doesn’t just tell megan that he doesn’t want to move to california. don doesn' t have an answer for her .
apart from the pretty faces and the challenges of raising kids, there' s nothing really that would connect with any of us .
trippy indie madeline' s madeline is the movie that lakeith stanfield and boots riley from sorry to bother you want to see the most .
vinegar valentine' s card, c1875. shows a middle aged woman looking at a drawing of a cat in female dress. bears message:' why do they call you a nasty old cat, and say many things a deal ruder than that,' tis from envy perhaps of your manifold graces, how would it not please you to claw in their faces' .
meet genevieve (nia vardalos). she loves romance. she loves flowers. she loves valentine' s day. all of which is fitting as the owner of roses for romance, a quaint flower shop in the heart of a friendly brooklyn neighborhood. her one problem: she hates relationships. having been hurt numerous times, genevieve keeps herself happy by not letting any man in. dating is a game to her, a game she is very good at. genevieve doesn' t get dumped and never gets hurt, because she doesn' t stick around long enough for things to get ugly. then she meets greg (john corbett) .
basically the story of a man forced to finally see the injustice around him. riley’s movie is designed to do the same thing to you. …
tutored in several european languages for hours on end and strapped to a steel rod for posture, consuelo vanderbilt' s childhood was anything but easy .
the waiter comes around to take your order. you get three courses and two options per course. choose wisely, but don' t worry, they' re not going to be nearly as good as anything you can get on a regular night in the same restaurant. when the food is served - - all at the same time, banquet - style - - you notice that your fish is cold. that' s because it was prepared on a huge baking sheet with all of the other fish and then sat under a malfunctioning heatlamp until the beef was ready. you try to find your waiter to send back your fish. he' s nowhere to be found - - until it' s time for the check. when you do see the check, you' re shocked to realize that every course is $ 10 more than you would have paid on any other night here. no time to protest, though, because all the checks are dropped at the same time and you better pay up, pal, because the 8 o' clock crowd is almost here and you' re in their seats. happy valentine' s day, sucker !
one tired reason i hear a lot is because it' s so
commercialized
. my answer to that is: ok, and so is literally every other holiday we have, and hating everything is going to get very exhausting at some point. the
commercial world
is entirely optional to you. the people who are spending their money aren' t somehow undermining the true meaning of love by
succumbing
to commercialism. they' re just doing what makes them happy, the same way not spending money on a holiday you dislike makes you happy. everybody' s happy! you see how this isn' t really a thing at all ?
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roger ebert' s speech on empathy for the
11th hour
series on april 9th, 1994, being republished here in honor of his birthday june 18 .
before these mass - produced cards hit the market, people had hand made their own valentines, both sentimental and vinegar (so far, the historical examples of nicer valentines predate the meaner ones). pollen argues that although manufacturers didn’t invent vinegar valentines, they expanded upon them. in barry shank’s book on greeting cards and american business culture, he writes that vinegar valentines “were a part of the valentine craze from the earliest years of its commercialization. ”
in 1910s, an anonymous postcard might berate a couple, if the woman were perceived as dominating the man. the same sort of arguments were made against women’s suffrage .
meanwhile, sally is smoking a cigarette with her friends in a dorm room at her private school. they are making plans for their classmate sarah' s mother' s funeral in new york tomorrow. they plan to skip the burial and go shopping in greenwich village. sally’s friend carol states that sarah won' t be back at school until easter and that she wishes her own mother would die. sally adds she would stay at school until 1975 if she could
get betty in the ground .
what happened? someone fell asleep at the switch. look at our school systems. boys and girls are encouraged to give these chalky, heart - shaped candies to all the other boys and girls, sending pre - inscribed messages like “i love u” and “b mine. ” does no one else find this appalling? is this the future of the united states–a nation of whores ?
printers mass - produced valentine cards that ranged from the expensive, ornate, and sentimental kind to the vinegar variety, which were cheap. “they were designed to expand this holiday into something that could include a whole range of different people and a whole range of different emotions, ” she says .
it' s a tad unfortunate to see aniston hamming it up to the high heavens, doing what she has been doing in rom - coms since, well, forever .
let’s assume conservatively that genevieve started dating when she was 20, and that she has met on average three men a year willing to accept her strictures. and that after completing all the requirements, half of them have triumphantly arrived at home plate. given her age, which a gentlemen does not mention, that works out to 39 sex partners. according to surveys reported by abc news and the new york times, which i don’t necessarily believe, the average american woman has between four and seven sex partners in a lifetime. that means genevieve is not only an obsessive - compulsive, but a nympho .
peggy lies on the sofa in her office, drinking. shirley informs her that moira is on the phone for her. “tell her to tell ted i have no intention of talking to him today, ” peggy orders. she marches out to shirley’s desk and places the roses on her desk, complaining they smell
like an italian funeral .
then, peggy decides she wants to throw the flowers away because they’re “cursed”. shirley finally blurts out that they are from her fiancé. “you have a ring on, ” snaps peggy, holding back tears. “we all know you’re engaged. you did not have to embarrass me. ”
based in los angeles, jason kessler has written for television shows such as nbc' s the office, true jackson, vp on nickelodeon, and the mtv movie awards. photo by matt armendariz .
you walk into the restaurant at your designated time. i hope you like eating at 6pm, because the 8pm seating was full a month ago. since every reservation in the entire place is for the exact same time, you have to fight to get the host' s attention to even get to your table. finally, you are seated at a table for two in a long row of identical tables for two. unfortunately, the restaurant has shoved the tables so close together that you feel like you' re eating on benches in a school cafeteria. get to know your neighbors now because you' re going to be hearing their conversation for the rest of your allotted two hours .
it' s fine that the makeshift trilogy (please, let it only be a trilogy) is a simple - minded ode to love meant to send everyone home happy. so why doesn' t it actually send anyone home happy ?
back at sc & p, shirley and dawn meet up in the coffee room. shirley is upset because the roses were actually meant for her, from her fiance charlie. she asks dawn for advice on how to get her roses back. dawn tells shirley to keep her mouth shut about it if she wants to keep her job. for an example, dawn mentions that don hasn’t told his wife he’s on leave. “keep pretending. that’s your job, ” she shrugs .
the story casts the actress as a never - married florist who keeps relationships at bay with a strict five - date limit. that way, she reasons, there' s never a chance of getting really involved - - or really hurt .
sold in the united states and britain, these cards featured an illustration and a short line or poem that, rather than offering messages of love and affection, insulted the recipient. they were used as an anonymous medium for saying mean things that its senders wouldn’t dare say to someone’s face—a concept that may sound familiar to today’s readers. scholar annebella pollen, who has written an academic paper on vinegar valentines, says that people often ask her whether these cards were an early form of “trolling. ”
that' s the story, and vardalos has tried to jazz it up a bit by casting john corbett - - her hunky suitor from
my big fat greek wedding
- - as the restaurateur and friend rachel dratch as one of her pals.
i hate valentine 's day is a 2009 romantic comedy film written and directed by nia vardalos . the film stars vardalos and john corbett , previously seen together in vardalos ' hit 2002 film my big fat greek wedding . the film was released on july 3 , 2009 , by ifc films . 
i hate valentine's day is a 2009 romantic comedy film written and directed by nia vardalos. the film stars vardalos and john corbett, previously seen together in vardalos' hit 2002 film my big fat greek wedding. the film was released on july 3, 2009, by ifc films.
i hate valentine's day is a 2009 romantic comedy film written and directed by nia vardalos. the film stars vardalos and john corbett, previously seen together in vardalos' hit 2002 film my big fat greek wedding. the film was released on july 3, 2009, by ifc films.