text_original: But, as every good housewife knows, you mustn't feed your family—let alone your friends—on pork pie when there isn't an R in the month; and with April nearing its end, and May looming, what was to take its place? As cook said, you are so dreadfully handicapped when you have to sew up your parcel in calico; you can't send soused mackerel, or Welsh rabbit with Red Tape tied round you like that!
text_transcription: BUT AS EVERY GOOD HOUSEWIFE KNOWS YOU MUSTN'T FEED YOUR FAMILY LET ALONE YOUR FRIENDS ON PORT PIE WHEN THERE ISN'T AN HOUR IN THE MONTH AND WITH APRIL NEARING ITS END AND MAY LOOMING WHAT WAS TO TAKE ITS PLACE AS COOK SAID YOU ARE SO DREADFULLY HANDICAPPED WHEN YOU HAVE TO SEW UP YOUR PARCEL IN CALICO YOU CAN'T SEND SOUST MACKEREL OR WELSH RABBIT WITH RED TAPE TIED ROUND YOU LIKE THAT
phonemes: bˌʌt, æz ˈɛvɹi ɡˈʊd hˈaʊswaɪf nˈoʊz, juː mˈʌsənt fˈiːd jʊɹ fˈæmɪli—lˈɛt ɐlˈoʊn jʊɹ fɹˈɛndz—ˌɔn pˈɔːɹk pˈaɪ wɛn ðɛɹ ˌɪzənt ɐn ˈɑːɹ ɪnðə mˈʌnθ; ænd wɪð ˈeɪpɹəl nˌɪɹɪŋ ɪts ˈɛnd, ænd mˈeɪ lˈuːmɪŋ, wˌʌt wʌz tə tˈeɪk ɪts plˈeɪs? æz kˈʊk sˈɛd, juː ɑːɹ sˌoʊ dɹˈɛdfəli hˈændɪkˌæpt wɛn juː hæv tə sˈoʊ ˌʌp jʊɹ pˈɑːɹsəl ɪn kˈælɪkˌoʊ; juː kˈænt sˈɛnd sˈaʊst mˈækɚɹəl, ɔːɹ wˈɛlʃ ɹˈæbɪt wɪð ɹˈɛd tˈeɪp tˈaɪd ɹˈaʊnd juː lˈaɪk ðˈæt!