text_original: To MAKE the wife a sweet companion, but to keep her so, this may be accomplished in the following manner:  Obtain an adequate supply of the pure water of affection, and gently immerse her therein: should the water during this process become ruffled, a little of the original balm of courtship will soon restore it to its usual smoothness.
text_transcription: TO MAKE THE WIFE A SWEET COMPANION BUT TO KEEP HER SO THIS MAY BE ACCOMPLISHED IN THE FOLLOWING MANNER OBTAIN AN ADEQUATE SUPPLY OF THE PURE WATER OF AFFECTION AND GENTLY IMMERS HER THEREIN SHOULD THE WATER DURING THIS PROCESS BECOME RUFFLED A LITTLE OF THE ORIGINAL BALM OF COURTSHIP WILL SOON RESTORE IT TO ITS USUAL SMOOTHNESS
phonemes: tə mˌeɪk ðə wˈaɪf ɐ swˈiːt kəmpˈæniən, bˌʌt tə kˈiːp hɜː sˈoʊ, ðɪs mˈeɪ biː ɐkˈɑːmplɪʃt ɪnðə fˈɑːloʊɪŋ mˈænɚ:  əbtˈeɪn ɐn ˈædɪkwət səplˈaɪ ʌvðə pjˈʊɹ wˈɔːɾɚɹ ʌv ɐfˈɛkʃən, ænd dʒˈɛntli ɪmˈɜːs hɜː ðɛɹˈɪn: ʃˌʊd ðə wˈɔːɾɚ dˈʊɹɹɪŋ ðɪs pɹˈɑːsɛs bɪkˌʌm ɹˈʌfəld, ɐ lˈɪɾəl ʌvðɪ ɚɹˈɪdʒɪnəl bˈɑːm ʌv kˈɔːɹtʃɪp wɪl sˈuːn ɹᵻstˈɔːɹ ɪt tʊ ɪts jˈuːʒuːəl smˈuːðnəs.