text_original: I used to wonder if the Creator had invented a new variety of idiot, and made a lot in order to supply the army with medical inspectors, or, if by some cunning military device, the Surgeon General had been able to select all those conglomerations of official dignity and asinine stupidity, from the open donkey market of the world. Inspecting a hospital was just like investiga  ting an Indian fraud.
text_transcription: I USED TO WONDER IF THE CREATOR HAD INVENTED A NEW VARIETY OF IDIOT AND MADE A LOT IN ORDER TO SUPPLY THE ARMY WITH MEDICAL INSPECTORS OR IF BY SOME CUNNING MILITARY DEVICE THE SURGEON GENERAL HAD BEEN ABLE TO SELECT ALL THOSE CONGLOMERATIONS OF OFFICIAL DIGNITY AND ASININE STUPIDITY FROM THE OPEN DONKEY MARKET OF THE WORLD INSPECTING A HOSPITAL WAS JUST LIKE INVESTIGATING AN INDIAN FRAUD
phonemes: aɪ jˈuːzd tə wˈʌndɚ ɪf ðə kɹiːˈeɪɾɚ hæd ɪnvˈɛntᵻd ɐ nˈuː vɚɹˈaɪəɾi ʌv ˈɪdɪət, ænd mˌeɪd ɐ lˈɑːt ɪn ˈɔːɹdɚ tə səplˈaɪ ðɪ ˈɑːɹmi wɪð mˈɛdɪkəl ɪnspˈɛktɚz, ɔːɹ, ɪf baɪ sˌʌm kˈʌnɪŋ mˈɪlətˌɛɹi dɪvˈaɪs, ðə sˈɜːdʒən dʒˈɛnɚɹəl hɐdbɪn ˈeɪbəl tə sᵻlˈɛkt ˈɔːl ðoʊz kəŋɡlˌɑːmɚɹˈeɪʃənz ʌv əfˈɪʃəl dˈɪɡnᵻɾi ænd ˈæsɪnˌaɪn stuːpˈɪdᵻɾi, fɹʌmðɪ ˈoʊpən dˈɔŋki mˈɑːɹkɪt ʌvðə wˈɜːld. ɪnspˈɛktɪŋ ɐ hˈɑːspɪɾəl wʌz dʒˈʌst lˈaɪk ɪnvˈɛstɪɡə tˈɪŋ ɐn ˈɪndiən fɹˈɔːd.